STAR WARS, TOR: BOOK ONE: A STARSHIP NAMED DESIRE
by Vyrazhi
Summary: When a young Padawan upon the moon of Tython finds a mysterious holocron as part of her trials, will she be able to understand its teachings - and resist the desires that well up within her as a result of her discovery? Rated K . Please read and review!
1. PROLOGUE: THE JEDI CODE

_**STAR WARS ~ THE OLD REPUBLIC: BOOK ONE: A STARSHIP NAMED DESIRE**_

_A Trilogy of Betrayal by Vyrazhi, ©2013-14_

PROLOGUE: THE JEDI CODE

"What is the Jedi Code?" asked Master Severns, a Miraluka Consular. "If you are to become a Padawan, you must know it by heart. Not only that, but its principles must be embedded _within_ your heart. We Jedi have been ambassadors of peace throughout the galaxy for thousands of years. What do we believe?"

"_There is no emotion; there is peace. There is no ignorance; there is knowledge. There is no passion; there is serenity. There is no chaos; there is harmony. There is no death; there is the Force," _I replied.

"Very good. Now: What does our Code mean? You can certainly mean these words without reciting them, but never recite these words without meaning them. Explain step by step. What does each line signify?"

I took a deep breath. "First of all, it's not that emotion doesn't exist. Everyone has feelings, and they help to make us who we are. With that said, when we Jedi face a situation, we should think rationally and lay our emotions aside. Too many of our Order have fallen victim to the Dark Side of the Force because they were carried away by how they felt in the heat of the moment." I thought of Juhani, a former Dark Jedi who struck down her Master in her final test. She'd turned back to the Light, but had learned a harsh lesson.

"The same goes for passion," I continued. "The reason that Jedi meditate so often, and seek counsel from wise Masters such as yourself, is to learn how to face and conquer the strong feelings they experience. Anger, hatred, vengeance, and even romantic love are mistakes. They can master us instead of the other way around, and distract us from our duty to the galaxy." Darth Revan and Malak were prime examples of this. Both of them had succumbed to the first three emotions and committed countless atrocities. In the end, Revan had killed Malak, but not before apologizing for leading him down the path of darkness.

"As for ignorance, that's often what causes wars to start: a lack of knowledge. The more we know, the more we're able to understand, but we must apply what we've learned in real life. What good are facts inside your head, if you're not able to use those facts to help yourself or others?" Master Severns nodded. Perhaps we were both thinking of the Jedi Council in the time of the Mandalorian Wars, who knew that the Outer Rim was burning while they waited for the true threat to reveal itself. They had refused to act, but Revan had not. While he led the galaxy into battle, the Council had debated, and their patience cost the Republic millions of lives. The true mistake, I had learned, was Revan's - or so said my Master. However, a flicker of doubt still danced in my mind. How many more would have died had Revan _not_ gone to war?

"What about chaos and death?" asked Master Severns after a moment, jolting me out of my reverie.

"Chaos is all around us in the galaxy. However, if we're wise, we'll look for the connections between things and what unites us, instead of the separations and what divides us. For example, what do Jedi and Sith have in common? They both use the Force, but we use it selflessly and with compassion. Sith concentrate upon themselves, and utilize the Force for evil purposes. Our Orders share more than I like to admit, but hopefully this will keep me from falling into the errors that the Sith do. Harmony occurs not when chaos is eliminated - in fact, such a thing is impossible - but when opposing forces are acknowledged and even reconciled. Darth Nihilus, Darth Sion and Darth Traya were on the brink of destroying the galaxy through exploiting wounds in the Force, but the Exile defeated them. If it hadn't been for Meetra Surik, we wouldn't be here right now. We might not even exist. As for death? We Jedi return to the Force when our lives have ended, and so we don't have to be afraid of it. Being afraid of death causes suffering and pain."

"Indeed," said Master Severns. "Congratulations, Per'dra. Not only have you memorized and understood the Jedi Code, but you have completed your first step toward becoming a Padawan." He smiled gently at me, and I knew that if he would have had eyes, they would have been glowing with pride. As a member of the Miraluka species, he saw not with eyes like mine, but on a higher plane and through the Force. I had asked him several times about his Force sight, but Master Severns said that it was a gift I wasn't ready to receive yet. What did he see? All he'd ever told me was that he could see a vivid aura of Light around me.


	2. CHAPTER ONE: A MYSTERIOUS ARTIFACT

CHAPTER ONE: A MYSTERIOUS ARTIFACT

"What must I do next?" I asked Master Severns. "You said that I would face three challenges."

"As do all Younglings, but the tests are different from one potential Padawan to the next. Throughout your apprenticeship, I've noticed that you've been especially interested in Jedi artifacts and relics. For your second trial, I'm giving you the chance to retrieve one. In a certain cave near this temple here on Tython, there are crystals which are sensitive to the Force. After we have our scientists test them to ensure that they contain no Dark Side energy, we use some of them in our lightsabers. I would like you to venture to this cave and select your own crystal. As they are unique, each Padawan's saber should also be." Master Severns gave me the coordinates to the cave from the Temple. "You must go alone, but be careful of Flesh Raiders. They're as ravenous as ever, even though we're doing all we can to thin their numbers."

"I understand, and I'll definitely keep a look out." I bowed to Master Severns and left his Temple quarters.

The day was warm and bright, with just a hint of a breeze ruffling my hair. Perhaps rain would have been better if I was going to spend a lot of time digging around in a cavern, but I was nonetheless satisfied with the weather. Squaring my shoulders, I ignited my training lightsaber and headed off toward the cave.

Almost immediately, I was swarmed by a band of Flesh Raiders. They were revolting creatures who barely had enough brains to be considered sentient, but apparently knew how to use blasters, vibroblades, and other weapons. I cut them down without a second thought, dodging their sharp teeth as best I could. Were they native to Tython? I didn't know, but in my frustration, I almost thought that some not-too-bright animal handler had imported them here in order to test us Jedi. Well, if that were the case, they had certainly succeeded, but now the Flesh Raider population had grown completely out of control. What to do? The only thing we _could_ do was hack and slash them to pieces, but they multiplied faster than gizka out here.

When I'd finally finished mowing through them like weeds, I found the cave entrance. Master Severns had given me good directions, and I kept my saber lit in order to provide illumination in the cavern. Even though the fields outside smelled of fresh dirt, grass and blood, the cave's odors were those of mold, moss, what might be bat guano, and water slowly seeping through its rock walls. It was strange: I felt safer inside than out, and not only because I doubted Flesh Raiders had set up their camp in here. Vast, open areas had always made me uneasy, because they reminded me of the immensity of space. That was why I'd never signed up for pilot training: I was too unnerved by the _void _that would surround me and my ship. I clung to the walls of the cave like I had Master Severns' guiding hand, when I was a tiny Youngling.

After several twists and turns, I was able to turn off my training saber because I'd found the hollows where the Force crystals grew. They gave off enough light to illuminate the space around them, glowing yellow and cyan, green and violet. Some were even orange, which was rare, and viridian, which was even rarer. The question was: which crystal was right for me? Which one should I choose for my actual lightsaber? I decided to let the Force lead the way, and it drew me toward a particular formation in the corner. A single crystal grew from it, of a translucent silver color. It filled me with peace and wonder, and I knew that this one was mine. I gently plucked it from its rocky base, picked it up, and was startled to see something else.

A delicate cube-shaped object lay near the formation I had just collected. I put it into my satchel, too. If it were another crystal, why wasn't it glowing? Perhaps, like the ordinary rocks in the cave, it wasn't sensitive to the Force. Then again, were ordinary rocks so fragile and perfectly six-sided? I didn't think so, but anything was possible. With my mission complete, I carefully made my way out of the cavern and winced when sunlight hit my eyes. It was back to the Jedi Temple, and unfortunately, back to more Flesh Raiders.

"_Take me to your leader," _I tried to tell one of them, almost yelling in its tympanic membranes. However, it was in no mood to negotiate. The foul-breathed brute and his allies charged toward me, and I shook my head. _A Padawan's work is never done - or, at least a potential Padawan's work. _Putting on a burst of speed through the Force, I raced ahead of the Flesh Raiders' second scouting party. I'd had enough extermination duty for one day, and was curious to know if my crystal would be good for a lightsaber. Not only that, but what else had I found? Perhaps Master Severns knew what the other object was.


	3. CHAPTER TWO: EMPTY VESSELS

CHAPTER TWO: EMPTY VESSELS

When I showed Master Severns the crystal and the artifact, he gave me a small smile. "Good work. These are two empty vessels waiting to be filled. One, the crystal, is a rare find indeed. I've only seen silver ones once or twice in my life, and the Force must have been quite strong within you in order to have caused it to respond." Seeing my puzzled look, he continued, "Ordinarily, inanimate objects are simply that, without the ability to react to anything else. When infused with the Force, however, they gain that marvelous capacity. I wouldn't go so far as to call them sentient, but they definitely know when a Force Sensitive is nearby. Look how it glows, and feel its vibrations." I did, and the crystal trembled like a live creature in my hand. "It seems to be attuning itself to you, but I'd like to take it to our scientists for further tests. It may be silver, but still contain traces of the Dark Side." I nodded, and Master Severns left for the Temple's laboratories.

In the meantime, I examined the other object I found in the cave more carefully. At first glance, it revealed nothing more than what I'd already learned. It was gray, cube-shaped, and incredibly fragile. However, as I gently rolled it around in my hands, it felt somehow _porous, _as if light or gases had once seeped through it. If this artifact had contained something, what was it? How was it to be opened? If I was right, how had what was inside gotten out? I was even more anxious to ask my Master about this than about the crystal.

"This object seems somehow familiar to me, but it isn't," I told him. "What could it be?"

Master Severns posed a riddle: "Several of its activated companions are located in the Jedi Archives."

_Aha! _"It's a holocron, used to store records, lessons, or the teachings of our Order. How come it's empty?"

"Sometimes we Jedi start to use them, then change our minds and erase the message contained within. However, discarding the holocron itself is a terrible waste of resources. Crystals that are sensitive enough to the Force to be used as holocrons are even more rare than lightsaber focus crystals. I can't imagine who would have begun to use it and then tossed it aside in such a callous manner. Still, as you say, it is completely empty. Even though I have no eyes, I can see this plain as day through the Force. Would you like to keep it as a souvenir?" I nodded. "Perhaps I can teach you how to record your own messages."

"I'd like that very much, Master, although I don't know if I've learned any new ideas to teach our Order."

"Sometimes the best ideas are the simple ones we've already learned, presented in a new way. Take this holocron. What's so special about it? You didn't, and wouldn't, think anything unusual of it at first glance."

"You're right: it's empty, and many people would consider it useless. However, it can be filled, and therein lies its value. In the right hands, this holocron can become a relic of the most important Jedi teachings."

"Right you are. Empty vessels may not look like much, but they have endless potential. Do you remember the question that your Zabrak classmate Noth asked? We had quite a lively discussion about it."

"He wanted to know why Jedi are recruited from the cradle, and why we take babies from their families. It seemed rather unfair to him, as he never got to know his parents, but neither did any of the rest of us."

"True. Does it seem unfair to you as well?" I nodded sadly. "I understand your feelings, future Padawan, but the truth is that Force Sensitive children must be trained from that early of an age. Otherwise, if they were allowed to live with their parents until they grew old enough to make this decision on their own, they might not have developed their talents with the Force enough to allow them to become Jedi. Also, we must guide them from infanthood when it comes to our teachings: compassion, wisdom and duty to the galaxy as a whole. It's true that empty vessels achieve their purpose when they're filled, but at a certain point, it's almost too late to start pouring into them. Witness the case of Darth Revan. He was retrained as an adult in the ways of the Jedi, but look what happened. He almost fell to the Dark Side once more."

"He didn't, though," I reminded him. "I guess the Order couldn't afford to take that chance again."


	4. CHAPTER THREE: A STARSHIP NAMED DESIRE

CHAPTER THREE: A STARSHIP NAMED _DESIRE_

After Master Severns dismissed me from his office in the Jedi Temple, I had far more questions than answers. I usually felt this way after one of our lessons. However, for some odd reason, I couldn't get my present ones out of my mind and focus on something else until I was ready to tackle them: _Why did I have to kill so many Flesh Raiders as part of my second trial, if we Jedi promise to protect all living things? What about the crystal? Was it always in the cave, or did Master Severns place it there so I'd find it? If I'd fallen in combat and gotten seriously injured, would someone have rescued me in time? Most of all… _I sighed as I entered my private quarters. _Why didn't I tell my Master about my recurring, unsettling dream? _

Before I did anything else, I showered in the refresher and changed into a clean Jedi robe. My old one was splattered with the drying blood of the Flesh Raiders I'd recently slain, so I dropped it into the laundry chute. Shaking my head, I thought: _If the Raiders were native to this planet and were here long before we were, then what right do we Jedi have to slaughter them for defending their home? _It hardly made any sense to me. _Maybe if I meditate upon this, I'll find the answer. _Sitting in a lotus position upon my bed, I closed my eyes and turned my hands palms-up, as if they were about to be filled with sand. It wasn't long until my mind, brimming with confusion and fatigue, slipped into slumber and I lay down on my back.

…_Why can't they see it? Why can't the rest of the Jedi see what will soon be in front of their very eyes? It's coming, and they won't be ready. It's coming, and I won't be prepared - the starship named Desire…_

It was a shimmering monolith, a leviathan in the near distance of the night sky around the Temple, but in my dream, no one bothered to look up and spot it. Everyone else at the Temple scurried about their daily business: talking and laughing, eating and working. Life was perfectly normal, but it soon wouldn't be. If no one took a glance at the starship that had riveted my gaze from the first time I saw it, it would destroy us all. The light of one of Tython's moons always made one of its flawless metal sides glimmer, like the slippery scales of a fish in one of our meditation fountains. It advanced slowly, slowly, and no one noticed but me. I tried to call out to my classmates and the Temple staff, and even my Master, but all they did was smile and nod. It was not only as if the starship didn't exist, but I myself as well. I was absolutely terrified. The _Desire _was so massive and monstrous that we'd need all of the manpower on this planet to fight it.

"…_Awaken." _

I woke up glistening with sweat, and found that my robe stuck to me in several places. At first, I couldn't even open my eyes or move because I was paralyzed with fear. It took me several minutes to remember that I was safe in bed, here in my chamber at the Jedi Temple. There was no starship, and thus no threat. Nothing was coming to attack us, except perhaps more Flesh Raiders or even Sith, which we could handle given the right preparation. So far, we hadn't seen any of the latter, which meant our hiding place on Tython still hadn't been compromised. My peace of mind, however, had been, and I rubbed my eyes in sadness and frustration. Why was I having nightmares if Jedi were supposed to be in such control of their own thoughts and feelings? I knew that I wasn't even a Padawan yet, but felt that I had somehow failed.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of silver light. Turning my head, I realized that it was being emitted from the holocron on my bedside table. _That can't be right. It's empty, or at least supposed to be. _

"Hello?" I said uncertainly. "Who's there? Who are you?"

"_I am Kreia," _the holocron said after hissing softly, _"but the more important question is: Who are you?" _

"My name is Per'dra Yllari," I answered, finding my courage again. "I'm a Jedi Padawan-in-training."

"_Look in the mirror and tell me what you see." _This request was odd, so at first I continued sitting on my bed. _"Go on." _When I stepped toward the closet, looking at its reflective surface, I described my image feeling strangely detached. I saw nothing special within myself, or at least nothing out of the ordinary. "I'm a sixteen-year-old human female, with auburn hair, pale skin and blue eyes. I'm physically fit, as all Jedi should be, but some of my classmates are stronger and more agile. My talents are more intellectual."


	5. CHAPTER FOUR: COLORS OF THE SOUL

CHAPTER FOUR: COLORS OF THE SOUL

"_I see," _said Kreia. _"Thus I ask you this: What if all such rudimentary details were removed? What then?" _

I looked at the holocron, puzzled but intrigued by its question. "I'm not sure I understand."

"_What if you were one with the Force, as I am? What lies at your core? For instance, think of a color." _

"Red," I answered immediately. "Dark red, like the sun at late sunset, or a ripe berry in the summertime."

"_What made you think of that particular shade?"_

"I don't know. It was the first one that came into my head, and I've heard it's a universal color of desire."

"_It is also, incidentally, a Sith color - the hue of their lightsaber blades. Tell me: If some of your classmates were also stripped of their physical forms, what colors would they be? I am asking of their Force aura, the metaphorical hue of their souls, in your opinion. Tell me of two who are rather closer to you than others." _

"Well, as you may or may not know, Jedi don't discourage friendships, but they don't exactly encourage them either. We're not supposed to form close attachments, because those can distract us and keep us from performing our duty to the galaxy. If we have close friends, we may treat them differently and with more respect than other people, and that's wrong. Nevertheless, there are two fellow Padawans-in- training with whom I spend a lot of time, especially studying in a group and talking during mealtimes.

"First there's Noth, a Zabrak who would be green if his body suddenly disappeared. He always wants to grow - physically, mentally and in the Force. Also, many of us humans would characterize Zabraks as hot-headed and brash, but Noth isn't that way at all. In fact, out of our group of ten future Padawans, he's the only one who has enough patience to go out and help tend the Temple gardens day after day. Alana and I get so bored when we try to do that!" I laugh and then continue, "She's a human like me, although a year older. However, she's so lighthearted and funny that she gets disciplined more often than I do for frivolity. Alana would be bright yellow, darker than the sun but not too dark. Whatever happens, she always tries to be positive and cheerful, and it comes naturally to her. Noth can be moody sometimes, but not Alana."

"_Green and yellow are strong balancing colors for red. They form a beautiful triad. Why are you uneasy?" _

_What? You're inside a holocron, and you can still see that? _I thought. Out loud, I heaved a sigh. "Red," I grumbled, spitting the word like a curse. "I should be better than that, and more mature. Am I nothing more than my brute instincts, even after Jedi training? If so, then I'm definitely not ready to be a Padawan. I think it _is_ the color of my soul, at least right now, when I should be white - transparent, like the crystal I just found in a cavern near the Temple. The crystal is undergoing further tests for traces of the Dark Side, when _I'm_ the one who should be scrutinized under a microscope. You're right, and I hate myself for it."

"_Why?" _asked Kreia. _"As the Jedi say, fear leads to anger, and anger leads to hate. Of what are you afraid?"_

I wanted to pick the holocron up, throw it across the room, and hear it shatter against the wall. How dare this stranger, this disembodied presence in the Force, ask me that question when even my Master hadn't! I was angry, but beneath that there hissed a viscous pool of boiling liquid: blood, pounding in my ears. I had to calm down if I was to answer Kreia coherently, and so I sat down on the bed and almost whispered: "I'm afraid of myself, and my own desire. There are certain things we Jedi are supposed to want, and some that we're supposed to shun entirely. Hate is one of those desires, but also love. I wouldn't go so far as to say I love Noth and Alana, but I know if they became one with the Force tomorrow, I'd miss them."

"_Ah, and therein lies the conundrum. You are experiencing desires forbidden to you. Is that a crime?"_

"For a Jedi, it is. All of us have feelings and desires, but I'm supposed to control mine better than this."


	6. CHAPTER FIVE: CONCERNING SENTIMENTS

CHAPTER FIVE: CONCERNING SENTIMENTS

"_It seems to me," _said Kreia, _"that before you can deny your desires, you must identify and analyze them. What is it that drives you? If you are red, and especially if you see your soul as red, then what ignites the flame within your heart? I sense a great deal of apprehension and unrest within you. Am I correct?"_

Stunned, I stood there in the middle of my bedroom like a statue, unsure of how to answer. I didn't want to lie to Kreia, but the truth was almost too painful to tell. "Yes," I said finally. "I don't think I'm ready to become a Padawan. Specifically, I hate it when I don't believe or behave like the Jedi I should be. When I was out on my journey toward a certain crystal cave, and Flesh Raiders attacked, I felt a rush of something like anger, but not quite. As I cut them down, I felt _righteous, _like I was doing the galaxy a favor. I felt that I was perfectly justified in getting rid of these pests, but if so, then why do I feel so guilty now?"

"_It's because the reality of your slaughter conflicts with the abstract principles that you've been taught. Tell me: Did the Flesh Raiders attack you first?" _

"At first. They were the ones who drew their weapons and charged, at least initially. However, as more of their groupmates saw what was going on, they did the same. I can't blame them, really, only myself. I kept killing, on my way to and from the cave, and paid no conscious heed to the blood I was spilling. I was in a trance, fueled by aggression and adrenaline, but I'm ashamed to admit I even kept a body count. Twenty."

"_Did you feel ashamed while you were fighting the Flesh Raiders?" _

I bowed my head. "No, Kreia. I felt proud, excited, and virtuous. The Raiders have been attacking us Jedilong before today, and causing serious injuries to some of my classmates who aren't as ready for combat. Perhaps I shouldn't be so worried about the deaths I caused, if the survivors are only going to be even more hostile. If they're simply defending their native homeland, that's one thing, but we're not able to negotiate with them. They don't seem to have a leader, or at least one that we've managed to locate so far. If I have to fight, I want to do so for a just cause, and not participate in cruel massacres like the Sith."

"_That's understandable, and I daresay you've thought about it a great deal. This pleases me. Are there other hungers that taint you such a bloody, carnal color? I sense that there are, but we can rest for now." _

"No." I held both hands up to stop Kreia, even though I knew that I couldn't see her - only the shimmering holocron through which she spoke. "There are two others: the desire to know all I can, and the one to find something I can't even define or explain. I know that being a Jedi is a great privilege and honor, but…"

"_Start with your wish for knowledge. For better or worse, it is the same drive that consumed Darth Revan." _

I shuddered. "I know that you're giving me a warning, and I should thank you for it, but I'm not ready to. My Master has taught me countless valuable truths about the Force, but I know he's not telling me everything. I once asked him what the Dark Side of the Force was like, and he characterized it as _seductive evil. _He said that one does not fall at once, but by degrees, so by the time the Dark Side engulfs you completely, you're so far gone that you don't even know it. I then asked him if he knew this from personal experience, and he said no. Master Severns told me that he learned this from the examples of countless Sith, not only Revan and Malak, but the ones who came before them, like Exar Kun. He said that if I studied my history, and learned the lessons of the past that way, I'd know all I needed to about the Dark Side without falling."

"_His answer did not satisfy you, did it?" _

"Not by a long shot. I nodded, but then said that I felt the desire to experience such things myself. Master Severns advised me to meditate upon this, which I have, but so far I haven't received any revelations. Kreia, I've tried. I've emptied my mind. I've done good deeds, hoping to erase my _hunger_ that way. Alana's teacher, Master Holinis, says if you're always busy helping others, you have no time to get into trouble." Despite myself, I rolled my eyes. "I sure thought I was helping others by getting rid of the Flesh Raiders. Maybe so and maybe not, but all I really did was start to take a ride on that huge, dark spaceship _Guilt." _


	7. CHAPTER SIX: HONORING KNIGHTS

CHAPTER SIX: HONORING KNIGHTS

"_Guilt?" _asked Kreia slyly. _"There is another spaceship that haunts your dreams, yes?" _

Frantically I looked around my bedroom, searching for something else on which to focus my attention, and my eyes landed upon my glowing wrist chronograph. "Oh, no! It's time for dinner, and I have to go. I'm sorry, Kreia, but I'll be back later." My hand almost touched my forehead in a reflexive salute, but I stopped just in time. She wasn't my Master, and I wasn't to offer anyone else such a deferential gesture - except for Grandmaster Satele Shan.

With a shiver of dread, I suddenly remembered that tonight was our annual banquet to honor those who had been newly promoted to the rank of Jedi Knight. The robe I was currently wearing was much too plain, so I went to my closet and donned a formal indigo dress. As for Kreia? Only when I was dressed, and had wrapped my hair into a twist with curls, did I even look at her holocron again. It sat as silent and empty upon my nightstand as it had in the crystal cavern, as if it had never spoken. _I'm so sorry! _That was my first thought, and then: _Why? How come you knew so much, anyway? _Shaking my head rapidly to clear it of apprehension, I squared my shoulders and headed toward the dining hall. The Temple's facilities weren't extravagant in the least, but served nutritious food among simple décor. In a way, these were just like the Jedi teachings, healthy for the body and soul without indulging either one.

"Hello, slowpoke!" Alana, who was sitting at one of the nearby tables with Noth, waved me over. "What took you so long? We were wondering if you were ill and wouldn't be able to come to dinner after all."

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this, except I had one of my Padawan trials today. I was so exhausted afterward that I took a long nap, and didn't wake up to get myself ready in time." _Should I tell them about what I found - about Kreia? No; they probably wouldn't believe me. I can hardly believe it myself. _

Noth grinned. "Vanity and lack of punctuality are not the Jedi way." I wanted to put my fist to his head and ruffle his hair, but as a green-skinned Zabrak, he didn't have any. He had horns instead. Rubbing them wouldn't tickle or burn at all. Thus I settled for giving him a slight push backward. He kept smiling, as did I.

"So, do you know everyone who's being honored tonight?" Both of my friends shrugged noncommittally.

"I've heard some of their names," Alana said, "but I don't know them personally. Noth does, though. You probably wouldn't believe this, but as an amateur Temple gardener, he gets around. A lot of people go there to meditate, not just us future Padawans. That means he's rubbed shoulders with many Knights and Masters, and several people who recently got promoted. You wouldn't believe how much you can learn by keeping your eyes on your weeding and speaking when you're spoken to." This time it was Noth's turn to give Alana a playful shove. It was a running joke between them: the former often remained silent, while the latter thought it awful. She was not only the most gregarious of the three of us, but of our ten trainees.

"I think what Alana is trying to say is that wisdom comes when you listen, not just when you talk." The two of us nodded, although Alana rather reluctantly. "Speaking of which, here comes Grand Master Shan." A deep hush fell over the dining hall as the leader of the Jedi Order walked to the front, where there was a raised platform for just such an occasion. Sometimes we had guest lecturers during dinner, too. This one, however, was no ordinary guest. Grand Master Shan did not usually address us, even as a group. She was subtly radiant in a long, flowing robe made out of chocolate-colored silk. All of us stood and saluted.

"Good evening, fellow members of the Jedi Order," she began, bowing slightly. "Whether Youngling, Padawan, Knight, Master, or one of our Temple staff, I welcome you. Tonight we're here to honor those who have earned the privilege of becoming Jedi Knights, especially during the past month. Would the following please rise, and come here to the dais so we may acknowledge your promotion and loyal service?" She glanced down at a glowing holopad. "Our first honoree is Knight Oola Lom, who proved during her final trial that mere knowledge is useless without acting upon it." The Twi'lek girl ascended the platform. After a few more names, Shan announced, "Knight Kowal Sten, known by his last name and last stand. Sten, in his third challenge, fought and defeated one of our own who had turned to the Dark Side." Everyone straightened in their chairs, and when Sten took the dais, our eyes locked. Through the Force, I saw his aura: a silver-actinic-gray, a lightning bolt in an approaching thunderstorm. I couldn't breathe.


	8. CHAPTER SEVEN: THE PRICE OF VICTORY

CHAPTER SEVEN: THE PRICE OF VICTORY

Never had I seen or sensed such intense tumult in the Force as I did in the new Jedi Knight, Kowal Sten. Even Master Severns exuded an aura of calm and peace, not the stormy one suddenly before me. The strangest part was that his eyes betrayed none of the emotion that I could tell was roiling within him. _How could your Master not realize it? _I thought. _Maybe he or she has already, but somehow promoted you. Perhaps you face some of the same struggles with desire that I do. Even if not, I'd like to talk with you. _I tried to read his facial expression and body language, but Sten stood as still as the statues in front of the Temple. When Grand Master Shan called the name of the next Knight to be honored, I was startled to find out that only a few minutes had passed. When I was held fast by his gaze, time had screeched to a halt.

"Mira Thrith," said the Grand Master, "proved that being a Jedi is as much about courage as it is Force mastery. She saved a farmer's family here on Tython from a roving pack of Flesh Raiders." Beaming, Mira stepped to the dais and bowed slightly, as Grand Master Shan herself had. Despite myself, the first words that came to my mind were _Show-off. _I'd done my fair share of killing Flesh Raiders today, and yet I hadn't even been promoted to a Padawan yet. _I know I'm being jealous, but I would have done the same. No matter what rank we are, we're all Jedi or training to become Jedi. None of us would have stood by and let the Flesh Raiders slaughter anyone, especially unarmed innocents. Why couldn't I have faced that for a trial, instead of retrieving a silly crystal from a cave? When Mira killed the Flesh Raiders, she did it for that family's survival as much as her own. I killed them in pure self-defense, and maybe not even that. I admit I became more and more driven as I struck them down. I hope I was only driven by adrenaline, but if not…? _

"That concludes our Banquet of Knighthood," Grand Master Shan said. "May the Force be with you." We stood up and saluted once more, and she descended from the platform. After that we were dismissed by Alana's Master, Holinis, and began milling around and leaving the dining hall. Noth, however, wanted to finish his dessert. That left Alana and me to try and talk to some of the new Knights, and we were thrilled.

"I want to talk to Mira Thrith," my friend exclaimed. "She's one of the few honorees whose names I know, and besides that, she's gorgeous. I know she's at least three years older than me, maybe four, but the truth is that she's been my idol ever since I was a Youngling. Even though we weren't in the same training groups, I've heard so much about her and what she's done. Saving that one family was just the sauce on the bantha steak, so to speak." I was intrigued, but not so much by Mira as by the one Knight who never even blinked, let alone said a word. Several of the other Padawans-in-training were congregating around Mira, but Sten was trying to look inconspicuous. _You're not the only one who hates crowds, _I thought.

"Excuse me," I called out, which caught him off guard. "My name is Per'dra Yllari, and I'm a Padawan-in- training. Congratulations on becoming a Jedi Knight." I held out my hand for him to shake, and he did so.

"Thank you," he replied, smiling slightly. However, his dark eyes, which were almost black, contained no mirth. He turned away to try and slip away from the others who had suddenly noticed him - and me.

"How did you do it?" My face grew hot. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! _"How did you defeat the Dark Jedi?"

"Her name was Zoele Sisk," said Sten pensively. "The price of victory is knowing what it cost." Before I could ask him more about it, he disappeared into the press of people that were seeking to do the same thing I did. I considered myself fortunate that I'd gotten to say even as little as I had to him, whereas they wouldn't get the opportunity. Still the storm cloud lingered, the warning signal of a tempest in the Force.

"Where'd he go?" asked a bewildered Miraluka girl, and I almost laughed. _You're supposed to see his energy!_

"He had to kill her, you idiot," his human companion grumbled, meaning Zoele. "He doesn't wish to chat."

"Maybe not," I said, "but I'd certainly like to ask him what he meant. Sten? Sten!" I worked my way through the press of bodies around me, begging pardon of everyone in the meantime, but he'd vanished. When I emerged on the other side of the throng, he was nowhere to be found, so I headed for my quarters. _If Sten is as overwhelmed as I am right now, I wouldn't want to talk to anyone either. I also have studying to do. _


	9. CHAPTER EIGHT: SECOND TRIAL

CHAPTER EIGHT: SECOND TRIAL

The next day, I couldn't get myself up at the first sound of my chronograph's alarm, as usual. Instead, I fought sleep for at least ten more minutes. I felt drugged, and not only by fatigue. Yesterday had drained me, and not only because I'd faced my first Padawan trial. I'd also met Kreia and a Jedi Knight whose Force presence was a whirlwind of emotion. As I rubbed my eyes and stretched, I knew today would be no different. My gut feeling, whether in the Force or not, was that I'd face an even greater challenge. "Good morning," I mumbled to the object on my bedside table, blinking. _Did I just say that to an empty cube-shaped artifact? Yes, I did, and now I feel even more stupid. Was Kreia just a figment of my imagination? _

I thought that I saw the holocron flicker out of the corner of my eye. Still, I wasn't quite awake, and I took a cold shower to remedy this. By the time I'd dried myself off briskly and dressed, it sat as silently as ever. By the time I'd eaten breakfast and reported to Master Severns, I'd almost completely forgotten about her. "Greetings, Per'dra," the Miraluka said with a nod and a salute. "Please sit down." I obeyed. "As you might have suspected, you'll now face your second Padawan trial. What are the five duties of an ordained Jedi?"

"Protection, peacemaking, enlightenment, upholding justice, and Force mastery."

"Very good. Today you'll concentrate upon the first two. I've assigned you as one of two escorts for Master Bolaph Nurk. She's a Mon Calamari, an aquatic humanoid, and so one of your duties will be to help keep her moist as well as to protect her. You know full well that Tython is our hiding place, where we have withdrawn in order to avoid detection and extermination by the Sith. However, that doesn't mean we stay cloistered within our Temple. On the contrary: We try to help where we can, and wherever we're needed. However, many on Tython mistrust us and think there's no real difference between us and the Sith. Master Nurk is going to a village meeting near here where anti-Jedi sentiment is running high. It's this afternoon, and she needs bodyguards as a precaution. You're to move out at 1300 hours. Understood?"

"Yes, Master," I replied, "but are you sure I'm worthy of this trial? Are you confident I can protect her?"

"Remember that I value loyalty as much as combat and Force ability. I'm not expecting anyone to attack her, but I'm aware that this could happen. Don't sell yourself short; you're stronger than you think. After this meeting is over, I'd like you to debrief me on what was said, since I'll be unable to attend. One of our covert allies is facing overt hostility and lethal danger from some of the people who live here on Tython, and he needs to be rescued. I'm headed into the nearby wilderness where he's holed up. Wish me luck."

I winked at Master Severns. "There is no luck, only the Force." He gave me a gentle wave of dismissal. _Covert allies? Lethal danger? What's going on here, and will any of it be a part of my third trial? _I thought. Nevertheless, I returned to my quarters and prepared myself for today's assignment. I had never guarded anyone with a higher rank than Youngling, let alone a Jedi Master. Was I really suited for this? I supposed that if I wasn't ready now, how would I ever be? Master Severns knew what he was doing. I'd trusted him ever since I first learned his name. If he believed that I could rise to this challenge, I would certainly try.

All of a sudden, I spotted the holocron. It gave off no mere flicker, but a bright silver glow of sentience.

"_Please," _it said. _"Take me with you." _Gingerly I reached out, scooped up the artifact, and slipped it into the right pocket of my thick brown Jedi robe. Unlike my undertunic and leggings, which were both white, the robe was heavy. In the mirror of the closet door, I couldn't see the glow of the holocron through the material. Thus satisfied that no one else would see it, I clipped my yellow training lightsaber to my belt and headed for the Temple exit. I definitely saw Master Nurk waiting, with her blue dome-shaped head, but who was that beside her? When I recognized his face, I gave a little start. _Uh-oh. Did Master Nurk notice?_

"Greetings, Padawan-in-training Yllari," the Mon Calamari said in Basic. "I'd like you to meet Knight Sten."

"A pleasure," I said, keeping my voice neutral, "even though this is our second time being introduced." I held out my hand for him to shake, and he did. While his grasp remained firm, my palm went as limp as one of the fish that Master Nurk might have eaten for lunch. I felt my cheeks ignite. _Per'dra, you idiot! _


	10. CHAPTER NINE: WHAT'S THE REAL DIFFERENCE

CHAPTER NINE: WHAT'S THE REAL DIFFERENCE?

Sten said nothing as he released my hand, which seemed to have no bones. However, his eyes twinkled, and a smile played at the corners of his lips. I could tell he'd noticed me blush like the teenager I was, but what if he'd also glimpsed my aura through the Force? Had he seen how red I was becoming _inside? _

Before either one of us could say another word, Master Nurk signaled for us to move out. We three did so, and she hailed a speeder to take us to the farming village of Tandrev. It was a peaceful settlement upon the planet of Tython, although lately it had been plagued by hostile people and creatures. "Please remain silent while I speak at the town hall meeting," Master Nurk instructed Sten and me, "unless I give permission to do so. I'd like to thank both of you for your willingness to serve as my bodyguards." We offered the salute of the Jedi in return, letting her know that it was indeed an honor. When we reached Tandrev's town hall, we found it full of villagers. All of the chairs were occupied, and people were standing along the walls. It didn't take any knowledge of the Force to realize that they were agitated and nervous.

"Order! Order!" cried the mayor of the farming community, banging a gavel on the podium at the front of the room. Unlike people of his position in other towns and cities, this mayor looked like he'd just finished his morning chores before coming here. When the crowd quieted down, he cleared his throat and stood up straighter. "Thank you all for coming to this town hall meeting. We're pleased to have Jedi Master Bolaph Nurk here with us today, in order to address your concerns. With her are Jedi Knight Kowal Sten and Padawan-in-training Per'dra Yllari." I lowered my eyes uneasily. After all, I was only an escort and preferred to be anonymous. Sten, on the other hand, remained as impassive and expressionless as ever. "I would like all of you to bid them welcome and be polite," the mayor said. "I don't want any trouble here."

"There's _already _trouble here," a woman called out, "but when have you and the squid-head ever noticed?"

I bristled with anger. If I had dared to call Master Nurk that, I would have been immediately disqualified from the Padawan trials, and challenged to a sparring match as well. The _Mon Calamari _would defeat me soundly, and I'd hang my head in shame and disgrace. What right did this villager have to insult her?

"Fury may be roiling within you," Master Nurk replied calmly, "but rest assured that all four of us are here to help. Would you please begin by telling me your name, and what difficulties Tandrev is now facing?"

"Flesh Raiders, for starters," grumbled the woman, "but also bandits and interrogatorsrunning around."

"Do you mean the Sith?" For the moment, I envied the Master and her perpetually-placid demeanor.

"No. I mean _your _interrogators, sent out from your Temple, who are questioning all and sundry about the Sith. Do we know of their whereabouts? Do we own any relics that supposedly belong to them? What about noticing any suspicious activity?" She scoffed. "My name is Lorenna Tash, and I'm _not _a Sith. I am, however, tired of being treated like one. Your agents don't let us rest a single moment, and in their eyes, we might as well be in league with them. Whom are you really protecting, and what's your real goal here?"

"In fact," replied a tall man next to her whom I thought might be her husband, "what's the real difference between you Jedi and the Sith? You both use the Force in order to gain as much power as possible. You both think you're better than common folk like us, because you have mystical abilities that we don't. You both wield deadly lightsabers, and the only difference is the color of the blade. How are we supposed to trust you? You Jedi claim to be noble, but if I remember correctly, weren't Revan and Malak Jedi, too?"

"They were, _once," _Master Nurk answered slowly, "but they betrayed our Order and fell to the Dark Side. The contrast between the Jedi and the Sith is that the former want to gain power in order to protect all creatures and people, including you. The Sith, however, would rather gain power in order to kill and enslave you." Silence followed. "Sir," she said after a moment, I'd like to know how I and my colleagues can help you."

"How about wiping out the Flesh Raiders?" he asked, a rictus-smile spreading across his face. "Have they ever done anything good? All they ever do is attack us, and so we have to attack them in self-defense."


	11. CHAPTER TEN: PROBLEMS AND SOLUTIONS

CHAPTER TEN: PROBLEMS AND SOLUTIONS

"I understand," replied Master Nurk. "We Jedi are facing the same problem with those particular creatures. However, that doesn't mean I condone their eradication. When one eliminates an entire species from an ecosystem, it becomes unbalanced. The Flesh Raiders are predators, and without them, some other plant or animal populations may grow out of control and become just as much of a threat as they are."

"There you go with your fancy words and high-flown ideas, while _we're_ facing death," Lorenna Tash said.

"So are we, even though there are high walls around our Temple. The Flesh Raiders hunt and congregate in the fields and wilderness surrounding it. We're grateful that very few of us have been lost when we venture outside. From an aerial view of your village that I had while the three of us were on a speeder coming here, I noticed that there are walls around the central part of Tandrev, but not the farmers' fields."

"What are we supposed to do, then? Fence ourselves in completely?" asked her husband. "That's not our way. We won't keep living in fear, especially from monsters who can't even talk to us. Am I right?" Several of the other villagers murmured in agreement. "Are they even intelligent? They're just vermin to me."

"Vermin don't typically know how to use blasters and vibroblades," the Mon Calamari said, causing some in the audience to frown and others to laugh. "So they are intelligent, or at least have a rudimentary sense of how to wield technological weapons. However, they didn't gain that ability through natural selection."

"More big words," scoffed another farmer. "Would you care to explain that, and who taught them to fight?"

"It was a Dark Jedi named Zoële Sisk, and that's why our agents have been asking you about the Sith." A deep hush fell over the crowd. "She has since been defeated, struck down and killed by Knight Sten. We are trying to discover how she learned to communicate with the Raiders, but more importantly, we want to find out how and why she turned to the Dark Side in the first place. For her deeds, she'd need training."

The man who had spoken before looked at Sten and smiled triumphantly. "Congratulations, Jedi." Sten gave him a respectful nod, but it didn't look like my colleague was proud of what he'd done. "Hey, that gives me an idea. Mr. Mayor, how about we set a bounty on these Flesh Raiders, with so many credits paid per kill? That way, it would help us earn more to support our families while trying to keep them safe."

"I don't believe that would be a good solution," said Master Nurk. "It might only increase Raider attacks."

"Even better. Somehow those brutes have to learn not to mess with us. What better way to teach them that than by killing them? If they're smart enough to shoot us, they're smart enough to protect their own."

"What about using Force fields, like we have around our Temple as well as high walls, or broadcasting a constant, irritating signal that only Raiders can hear? We seem to have encroached upon their native territory, and they naturally resent it. We must find a way to protect ourselves without slaughtering them."

"_Why?" _Lorenna Tash shook her head. "Personally, I'd prefer the bounty. Where would we get equipment to broadcast this signal, and how far could it be heard? Maybe with luck, the Flesh Raiders will be driven far away from Tandrev, but there are other unprotected settlements toward which they could flee. I want their severed heads, not their safety! That Dark Jedi may have taught them to use weapons, but the last time I checked, Flesh Raiders had teeth and claws, too." She bared a scarred left arm. _"I'm _proof of that."

A ripple of unease passed through the entire town hall, which caused a disturbance in the Force as well as the pit of my stomach. "Let's put it to a vote," said the mayor. "All who favor the bounty, please raise your right hand." A sea of palms was thrust into the air. "All who favor broadcasting a signal to drive off the Flesh Raiders, or forming a committee to discuss other methods of driving them off, give the same sign." Only a handful of people raised their right hands. "The majority has spoken, and thus the bounty will go into effect. I now offer one hundred credits per Flesh Raider head, but please don't go looking for trouble."


	12. CHAPTER ELEVEN: READY FOR THE TRUTH?

CHAPTER ELEVEN: READY FOR THE TRUTH?

_That's exactly what some people are going to do, _I thought with a weary sigh of resignation. _If they're poor and desperate enough, they might even go charging into the Flesh Raiders' lairs with minimal preparation!_

"Since we now have a solution to that particular problem," said the mayor, "what's all this talk of bandits?"

"They're not common thieves," said a petite woman as she rose from her seat, "but Mandalorians. They break into our homes without a second thought. My next-door neighbor couldn't come to this meeting. Instead, she's in the hospital after suffering injuries from being robbed! You don't know what these murderous thugs are capable of. All they think about is conquest and plunder. Why can't you stop them?"

The mayor's shoulders sagged. "Our law enforcement agency is certainly trying, ma'am," he answered. "I'm sorry about your neighbor, but civilians aren't the only ones who have fallen victim to these criminals. I've heard reports from quite a few officers about them, and some have been shot trying to apprehend the Mandalorians. I'm sorry, but you seem to believe that I've been sitting here doing absolutely nothing. That is not the case, and it never will be. Right now, we're working on hiring and training more personnel to fight this threat. I know most of you are farmers, whether of crops or moisture, but some are built for combat."

"Like me," a burly man said, raising his hand. "I'll shoot these Mandalorians down if they come near me."

"If necessary," Master Nurk interjected, "but no one, not even a criminal, deserves to die without a trial." The man sighed, frown lines furrowing his ruddy face. His expression read: _Trial? Who really cares about that when these armed thugs are bashing down our doors and threatening to kill our families? _"If you want to help, I would suggest that you apply for law enforcement, not exact vigilante justice." Clearing her throat, she looked at me to rub the back of her neck with a wet towel I brought. I did so, for Mon Calamari became dehydrated if they didn't keep their skin moist. "Don't go after these Mandalorians illegally, sir."

"Why not? They're going after usillegally." The petite woman tried to tell him to be quiet. "Hey, squid-head? If _you _want to help, _I'd_ suggest you send that beefy bodyguard of yours to deal with the robbers. If he can take down one of your own people who fell to the Dark Side, he can surely do that to some goons." I wanted to slap him. That was the second time someone had used a racial slur against Master Nurk at this meeting, and she deserved even more respect than Sten and I. It took all my self-control in order to bite my tongue and stay silent. "Right, friends?" Several others nodded, though with apprehensive looks.

"If you please, I'm not Knight Sten's Master," Nurk mentioned, "so I can't make that decision on my own."

"_Phfft. _Typical. 'Wait and see. It's not my job.' I know just who you sound like, the bounty notwithstanding!" Stifled laughter. The mayor banged his gavel on the podium again, making a motion for a brief recess. It was quickly seconded, and when the crowd departed, he shook his head miserably at the three of us.

"I deeply apologize. We citizens of Tandrev might be simple folk, not much given to contemplation or high education, but at least I thought we had the sense to be polite. Apparently, we don't. You were just trying to help, as we requested, and this is the thanks you get?" He shrugged and laughed bitterly. "As for the epithets, ma'am, I'm even more sorry you heard them. The only aliens in our village are blue holographic Twi'leks who dance for drunken patrons at our one cantina. Your kind are extremely rare around here."

"Why don't you pay a visit to our Temple?" asked Master Nurk kindly. "More of my species are there. As for my being a Mon Calamari, it does make me wonder why Grand Master Shan asked me to come here today, instead of one of the human ambassadors for our Order. She replied, _'Diversity enriches life, and farmers should be able to understand that all types of people and creatures are needed in this world.'" _

"Master Nurk?" I asked, gently touching the corner of her robe to catch her attention. "The truth may be true, but that doesn't mean that some people are ready to hear it." That was what I said out loud, but in my mind I added: _Certain people may never be ready to hear it. _I stifled that thought as quickly as I could.


	13. CHAPTER TWELVE: ACCUSATIONS

CHAPTER TWELVE: ACCUSATIONS

When the town hall meeting was called back into session, I found my mind wandering back to what Grand Master Shan had said. _Diversity may enrich life, _I thought, _but it sounds like these villagers need a little less of it in their daily lives. _Then it hit me: the Grand Master had not only been talking about the Flesh Raiders or the Mandalorians, but Master Nurk as well. _It was nice of our leader to try and make a point through her ambassador, but unfortunately, it may have been lost on people in great danger. _I heard them arguing about both the Flesh Raider bounty and the robbers, but to me, it seemed as if their anger were misplaced. They may have been addressing the mayor, but their harsh stares accused Master Nurk.

"Why don't you know exactly what to do?" one of them sneered. "We elected you to protect us, and this isn't the first time such things have happened. Don't you have any better advice than 'hire more law-enforcement officers?" He looked around for approving nods. "Why don't you give us tranquilizer guns?"

"If I did," said the mayor, "I'm afraid some of you might use them on your fellow citizens and rob them."

"Are you joking? With the Mandalorians afoot, you think we'd prey upon each other? You're a fool."

"Maybe so," he said through clenched teeth, "but I'd rather be a fool with no more burglaries to process."

"If you did start stealing from one another," Master Nurk said curtly, "you would promptly be apprehended. Frankly, I think this idea is a good one. Stun blasters would kill neither the Raiders nor the Mandalorians. As long as you hold a training session to teach your citizens how to use them, I wholeheartedly approve."

"Finally, the Jedi's talking sense!" Lorenna Tash's husband cried. "Even if some _disreputable _folk here in Tandrev decided to make some five-fingered profits in addition to their farm earnings, I'd rather lose a few credits or valuables than my own life or my wife's. Stun guns it is," he announced. "I'll make that motion."

"Seconded," Lorenna announced. The mayor put it to a vote, which passed almost unanimously. After telling everyone that he would issue one tranquilizer blaster per household, and only give them to adults, he raised his gavel to adjourn the meeting. However, he was quickly interrupted. "Now for our third issue."

"Third issue?" asked the mayor. "According to my agenda, there is no such item listed. What is it?"

"_You," _Lorenna hissed. "We let you deal with our first two problems without a hitch, because they're the most important, but Miln and I have something to say. We think you and your revenue collectors have been feathering your nests at our expense. Just last month we paid our taxes, and also let your engineers install a moisture-collecting device on our property. We expected a significant share of the income from it. However, our share is a pittance, and we want to know why. Who's been cooking your books, Mr. Mayor?"

"No one," he said, mopping sweat from his brow. "I assure you I'll have my accountants look into it later."

"Oh, no. You're going to look into this problem _now, _or there's going to be -"

"_BLASTER!" _someone shouted, and at that word, the rest of the attendees at the meeting hit the floor.

Miln had frozen, his eyes not leaving his target. This was no idle threat; he was going to shoot. Through the Force, his presence blazed with scarlet rage. Without thinking, I activated an energy shield through a device on my wrist and darted in front of the mayor. Sten, after doing the same, shielded Master Nurk. Before Miln could fire, I used the Force to knock the blaster out of his hand and away from him. An image of a high-pressured blast of water, like one from a fire hose, had come to my mind in a split second. My heart was racing, so I tried to project an aura of calm around me. Still, it wasn't as strong as I had hoped. The mayor had unfortunately wet himself, and the acrid smell of urine met my nostrils. I suspected that he'd never been threatened this way before, and attempted not to show that I'd noticed his humiliation.

Security guards rushed to arrest Miln and Lorenna as well, since she seemed to have known about the blaster. Once they'd been escorted from the town hall in Force cuffs, the other citizens retook their seats.

"Good reflexes, Per'dra and Sten," said Master Nurk firmly. "I am proud of you." The three of us sat down again as the mayor nervously adjourned the meeting. Without another word, he rushed back toward the private chambers of the building. The crowd, visibly shaken, nervously got up and began to disperse.

Both of us gave a respectful nod to Master Nurk, but I couldn't help but wonder: _Do we really deserve your admiration? We could, and should, have checked the villagers for weapons beforehand. Why didn't we? Come on, Per'dra. You're supposed to be smarter than this! _I thought, berating myself inwardly. Then I sat up with a jolt because of something I suddenly remembered: Mr. Mayor himself, who had not yet had his accident, telling Lorenna Tash that no one had been "cooking the books". _He was naturally uneasy, but - _

"_Jedi can detect lies," _said the elderly voice of Kreia in my mind. _"You detected his lie, but lack proof of it." _


	14. CHAPTER THIRTEEN: MORAL CONFUSION

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: MORAL CONFUSION

"Thank you for coming," Master Nurk told the villagers of Tandrev as they left. "Rest assured that we Jedi are here to help." When she stood up from her seat, Sten and I followed suit. I also had something to say:

"Speaking of which, I think you should check -" In my mind, the Mon Calamari's voice quickly silenced me. Immediately the mayor emerged from the town hall's back chambers, having changed his pants faster than I thought anyone could. _Good thing you brought a fresh pair of trousers. Is there a dressing room in here? _I suspected he hadn't wanted to walk to the town hall in his good clothes, so that might have been the case. "Excuse me, sir," I said. "May I have a word with you in private?" I sensed Master Nurk's glare.

"I'm truly sorry, but I have many more important matters to tend to," he said, flashing a bright smile. "I wish you good day, and thank you for saving my life. I could have been shot, and shall someday repay you."

_How about repaying your own people instead? _I thought angrily. _Miln and Lorenna may not be the only ones from whom you've stolen money. They tried to kill you, but you're committing fraud. Sometimes even criminals are right! _The mayor turned his back to us, retreating through the rear exit of the town hall while we took the front. All the way out to the speeder, I could feel Master Nurk's eyes upon me. Since she was a squid-like being, those were very large eyes indeed. The three of us entered and activated the vehicle.

"You're welcome, Per'dra," said Master Nurk, her voice low. "You nearly fell into a verbal rancor pit."

"If I could have finished my sentence, _I think you should check the Mayor out, _it would have been better."

"How? The mayor was right behind a door, and you would have done nothing but humiliate yourself."

"Never mind that. At least some people might have been motivated to look into his accounting practices! As everyone was recovering from all the chaos that Miln and Lorenna stirred up, I suddenly remembered that the mayor had lied to them. I detected it through the Force, although it didn't really take a Jedi to see that he was nervous when Lorenna started questioning him about her taxes. He's cooking the books, as she put it, and that's why I thought it fit to warn the good citizens of Tandrev about their corrupt leader."

"I also detected his lie, but neither of us has any hard proof. That's what you need to convict him in court."

"We could give testimony. I also think that we should visit Miln and Lorenna and talk to them about this."

"Will that work?" asked Sten with a smirk. "Hello. We're the Jedi who foiled your plot to kill the mayor and landed you in jail. Now we'd like you to testify against him under oath." He shook his head. "Other ideas?"

"Add the words _mitigating circumstances _and _lesser sentence, _and you have two cooperative witnesses."

This time Master Nurk shook her head. "No. Even if we were successful in that endeavor, the villagers are facing far greater problems than being defrauded in their last tax payment. They need the mayor to distribute weapons to fight the Flesh Raiders and the Mandalorian robbers. He may be less than honorable, but for now he has his uses. Once the more dire situations threatening the people of Tandrev have been dealt with, then we can talk about a court case and a special election. In the meantime, he has the authority to give his people what they need. Who knows? He may have bought more equipment with the funds he's stolen. If that's the case, it's not right, but it's beneficial in light of the dangers still present."

"Isn't that how the Sith think?" I asked sharply. _"He's useful, and so we'll temporarily ignore his misdeeds?" _

"The Sith think in absolutes," the Mon Calamari replied. "To them the galaxy is black and white, with nothing in between. Either you are good or evil, light or dark. We Jedi recognize that there are shades of gray among the stars and the great voids of the universe. Sometimes both sides of a conflict can be right. You are correct, Per'dra, in that the mayor should be brought to justice, but I am also correct in that this elected official, no matter what his conduct, has the chance to save his citizens' lives as well as his own."

I was confused, and sighed wearily. Sten, however, gave me a pointed look: _I'm with you on this one. _


	15. CHAPTER FOURTEEN: STEN AND KREIA

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: STEN AND KREIA

When we returned to the Jedi Temple, Master Nurk told us, "Sten, thank you for shielding me during the blaster attack today, and Per'dra? I'll tell Master Severns that you passed your second Padawan trial." She looked me in the eye, smiled in that ever-so-subtle way of hers, and shook my hand. More often than not, you couldn't read a Mon Calamari's facial expressions or body language. This time was a rare exception. "You have both shown what a true Jedi is, and can do, through courage and dedication." Shaking hands with Sten, she smiled again and turned to leave us. There we stood, alone together with our thoughts.

"Good work at the town hall meeting today," I finally said, trying to keep my voice calm and neutral.

"You as well," replied Sten, and then, after a moment: "Is something wrong?"

_Can I trust him? Should I tell him? _"Why don't we go and sit down in the Meditation Gardens?" _Good: a nice, nonchalant invitation. After all, we both need some rest after what we've been through. _We strolled toward the verdant place of refuge, in a wide Temple courtyard, and smiled at the crowd there. Our comrades were meditating in a lotus position, levitating above the ground in the same pose, or, in the case of Noth, diligently tending to the day's weeding. Sten and I found an empty bench near the fountain, a statue of a colossal tree spurting forth crystal streams of water. This was the Tree of Life. "Nothing's really wrong," I told Sten. "I'm just irritated that a corrupt mayor is in charge of protecting Tandrev. Master Nurk may be right in that the people need him right now, but do they really? Maybe he hasn't been buying extra weapons with the extra funds he's acquired. How can we trust him to do the right thing in this situation?"

"When your life's on the line as well as those of your victims, then you'll do anything you can to protect it," grumbled Sten. "The mayor may be a thief, but he's certainly not planning on dying anytime soon. I'm going to ask Master Nurk if we can go back over and tell him that he has a finite period of time in which to correct his 'creative accounting practices', before we encourage law enforcement to arrest him. In the meantime, we'll make a copy of all related datapads and holovids, and - I'm getting ahead of myself." He ran a hand through his hair, which was so dark of a brown it was almost black. "Is there anything else?"

_Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. _"I'm worried that I won't pass my third Padawan trial. It's supposed to be the most difficult, and…" I trailed off, because my mouth had gone dry. Taking a surreptitious sip of clean water from the fountain's bowl, I cleared my throat and continued, "Also, my Master may not let me attempt it."

"What do you mean? That only happens if a Padawan fails his or her first two challenges."

"He may make an exception this time." I felt my stomach sink. "Master Severns is a Miraluka. As you know from your lessons on the characteristics of galactic species, Miralukas see through the Force. That means Severns not only detects solid objects, but people's Force auras. My own is…red, like a Sith's."

Sten looked stunned. "It can't be that red, or your Master wouldn't have let you undergo any trials at all. It may be that this redness is how you see yourself, corrupt and volatile, but that's not who you really are." He leaned forward. "Would Master Nurk have let you protect her and the mayor if you had fallen?" I shook my head. "Trust me. We all feel annoyance and even anger, but the good thing about being a Jedi is that there are elders we can see and practices we can use to help ourselves." He looked at me again. "What?"

"Nothing," I stammered, and then, "I hope to see you at dinner." For the third time today, I felt foolish. The first things I did when I dashed back to my quarters were lock myself in and remove Kreia's holocron from the pocket of my robe. At first I feared it would not speak, but then it hissed and glowed with platinum light.

"_Looking back," _said Kreia in a near-whisper, _"a part of you wishes you would have let Miln have his way." _

I buried my face in my hands, fighting tears. I said nothing out loud to my mysterious interrogator, but somehow I knew Kreia sensed how I was feeling. She'd read my mind, as she had before, and had seen and heard all that had gone on at today's town hall meeting in Tandrev. _This is wrong. This is precisely not how a Jedi should feel. A Jedi should wish no one ill, not even a criminal, but - _"Why did I protect _him?" _


	16. CHAPTER FIFTEEN: FRIENDLY ADVICE

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: FRIENDLY ADVICE

"Why couldn't I have thrown myself in front of Master Nurk instead? Why couldn't I have remembered, in that split second before I protected the mayor, that I'd detected him lying? I'm so stupid, Kreia!" I gritted my teeth. "More than that, I'm ashamed, because I'm not the Jedi I should be." Slumping down on the bed, I looked down at my lap and inspected the tiny thread patterns in my tunic. "I'm not worthy of my training."

"_Before you definitely decide that, ponder this: There is the ideal, and then there is the real." _Her holocron dimmed for a moment, and I started thinking. The more I thought, the more my head began to ache. The ideal was the path of a Jedi, and the principles expressed in our Jedi Code. We were supposed to follow them devoutly. In a perfect world, this would be no problem. However, in real life it was incredibly hard. How in the Force was Master Severns always so calm, and Master Nurk so wise and practical? True, they had many more years of experience in which to conquer their negative feelings and pursue serenity, but what had they been like when they were my age? Had they been as conflicted as I was now? If so, what solutions had they found to the challenges they faced within themselves? Both of them were quite reserved, so I was afraid to ask them for fear of speaking out of place. There were certain questions you asked Jedi Masters, and certain ones you didn't. Alana had told me this a few times in her frustration.

"I'll pull her aside after dinner tonight and ask her exactly what she meant. I thought I knew, but now I'm not so sure anymore." Turning to Kreia's holocron, which had dimmed for a moment, I said, "I understand what you've told me. Real life and our ideal life don't always match, but now what am I supposed to do?" _Specifically, what am I supposed to do about the mayor of Tandrev and my dark feelings towards him? _Seeing it was almost time for our evening meal, I went into the refresher, washed and changed my robe.

"There you are! I was hoping I'd see you so that we could walk to dinner together," said Alana. "How did your second Padawan test go? What was it?" I shook my head good-naturedly, because we in training weren't supposed to discuss our personal trials with fellow students. However, there was no official rule against it, so I told her about the meeting in Tandrev. "Wow, you got to guard Master Nurk? How exciting."

"I didn't finish my story, so turn the sarcasm off for a minute." In the midst of the chattering crowd, we took our seats. For some reason Noth, who was usually punctual, was late this evening. "Nature Boy will be along later. He's helping Master Ulee with some research." That particular Jedi was a skilled botanist. "Are you surprised? Now, tell me the rest of what happened at the town hall." When I did, her blue eyes grew wide. _"Seriously? _Some idiot peasant tried to kill you, Sten and Master Nurk, and you saved the day?"

"Not exactly. Sten's the one who threw himself in front of Nurk to save her life, whereas I…" I took a nibble of my crunchy salad. "That 'peasant' wasn't such an 'idiot' after all. His name was Miln, and he accused Tandrev's mayor of tax fraud. The mayor said no one was 'cooking the books', but I detected him lying. That was when all the action started. I didn't get a chance to confront him either before or after Miln pulled his blaster. Instead of protecting someone honorable, I did that for a criminal. Hooray." Alana, still goggle-eyed, was speechless: a first for her. This made me happy, because I could get a few more bites in.

Alana put her hand on mine. "You saved someone's life, Per'dra, and that's what really matters. Criminal or not, at least Miln didn't kill him. You know what you need?" She paused dramatically. "A girls' night out."

I raised my head. "What did you have in mind? Also, don't you have Intermediate Sparring class tonight?"

"_Phfft. _I do, but I can skip it. Who'd really miss me? Not Master Voyna, who thinks I'm too flighty. Besides, when's the last time you had actual fun? We're going to Zetto's Cantina in the nearby outpost of Hedon."

At first, all I could manage for a reply was a series of stunned grunts, and then, "Are you kidding me?"

"Not at all. We're sixteen years old, not six, and of legal drinking age. Are you in or out, my friend?"

"In," I blurted out, finding my better judgment too late to retract this statement. "I've had a terrible day."


	17. CHAPTER SIXTEEN: UH-OH AT ZETTO'S!

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: UH-OH AT ZETTO'S!

"This is a bad idea."

"Oh, come on, you big spoilsport! You already said you were in with me, so let's go."

"I'm telling you: Neither of us is going to get away with what we're doing."

"Who's skipping class tonight? Not you. Since when do Jedi head for such a rowdy place as Zetto's?" That cantina in particular, and the outpost of Hedon in general, were not places those of our Order frequented. Even as an older Youngling, at the age of eight, I'd been warned about their dangers: _Intoxicants cloud the mind and make one less receptive to the Force. Not only that, but illegal activities such as gambling and lewd dancing are often performed there. Don't you know what 'lewd' means, Per'dra? It means 'crudely and sensually inappropriate', especially for Jedi. Drunkards and ruffians often visit cantinas and other such venues in Hedon, but you are neither one of those things. Heed these lessons well, and you'll be fine. _The thing was, I didn't want to be "fine" today. I wanted to forget what happened at the meeting in Tandrev. As one of our many Temple speeders flew us toward Hedon, I couldn't help but admire Alana's craftiness.

"You've planned this well. We're going to 'meditate at some nearby ruins?' Ha! After this thing drops us off there, we're going to put on the Force speed and run like kinrath out of a cave toward Zetto's. I've got to hand it to you - when you want something, you go out and get it, even if you have to lie to your Master."

"I told her I'd be back from my meditations before Intermediate Sparring class started, but that's not true. By the way, Per'dra, I don't appreciate you calling what I did 'lying'. Lies hurt people, but this is a fib. Will it hurt either my Master or Master Voyna if I don't show tonight? I don't think so. Look, there are the ruins." Alana pointed. "We won't actually enter them. We'll just duck behind some trees and change clothes." All of a sudden, she flashed me a worried glance. "Do you have any weapons on you, just in case?"

"I've got a blaster and a pair of vibroblades. If we get into serious trouble, I'll toss you one of them."

Alana winked. "What are we waiting for, then? Let's do this."

_Wait a minute. What am I thinking?! This is the most stupid thing I've ever done. _It felt as if my body had been possessed by a Sith through the Force as I changed out of my tunic and robe into street clothes. We did have some, as sometimes we were sent on missions where we had to appear casual. When we emerged from behind a clump of trees near the ruins, Alana was wearing a violet shirt, black jacket, and black pants. I was dressed in similar garb, except my jacket and pants were dark brown. We slipped our Jedi attire into the light satchels we were carrying and then headed toward Hedon itself.

Despite its name, this particular outpost hardly looked like paradise. Instead, it was a dense cluster of low, squat buildings glowing with advertisement signs and smelling strongly of alcohol. The tallest of these was _ZETTO'S, _as another sign garishly proclaimed. Taking a deep breath, the two of us strolled inside. Loud music immediately assaulted us, as did the odors of drug vapors and cheap liquor. _"Isn't this great?" _Alana shouted over the din. _"Let's get some drinks." _Trying to look as cool and indifferent to our surroundings as we could, we strode up to the bar. _"Two shots of juma juice for me and my friend here," _she ordered. When the Quarren tending bar slung the full shot glasses across to us, Alana raised hers. _"Bottoms up!" _

As she downed her beverage, a male Toydarian fluttered up to us. _"Enjoying the party?" _We nodded. _"I'm Zetto. What say we play some pazaak, eh?" _His worm-like nose twitched. Pazaak was a popular card game throughout the galaxy, played for low and high stakes alike. _"I'll go easy on you first-timers." _Alana and I both smiled uneasily and sat down at one of the card tables. Zetto, as owner of the cantina, dealt. It's funny how time flies when your mind's not on business, or meditating upon esoteric teachings. We played hand after hand of pazaak, and chugged glass after glass of juma juice and other strange liqueurs. Before we knew it, two whole hours had passed, and I found myself in a fair bit of debt due to my losses!


	18. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: SERIOUS TROUBLE

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: SERIOUS TROUBLE

"_Psst," _I stage-whispered to Alana, next to me at the pazaak table. _"How many credits do you have left?" _She held up five fingers and then an open fist meaning "zero," altogether signifying fifty credits. _Not good. Add another zero to that figure, and I'm that much in the hole. Stupid card game! How could I be so dumb? _Then I realized that the shot of neon-blue booze I was drinking was one of many answers to this question. "Excuse me," I told Zetto and the other gamblers, "but I've definitely played enough hands for one night."

"Pay up, then," Zetto said with a wink. "Let's see; you owe me five hundred credits. What rotten luck."

I winked back and flashed him my sweetest smile. "Indeed. Why don't we let bygones be bygones?" As I said these words slowly and deliberately, I allowed the Force to influence the Toydarian's addled mind. If I was skilled enough, I'd be able to trick Zetto into letting me off. Technically, according to the rules of our Order, we weren't supposed to use this ability except in life-or-death situations. However, since I didn't have five hundred credits and this was a rough place, I knew that my situation could turn ugly very quickly.

"Uh, yeah. Never mind, pretty lady. This one's on the house, including the drinks. Your tab is clear."

"Wait a minute," snapped a jarring male voice. "I think this 'pretty lady' used a mind trick on you, Zetto."

"Eh? Only Jedi can do that. You're saying…?" Zetto trailed off, and I turned around to see who had warned him. When I found out it was a Mandalorian in heavy blue-and-white armor, my stomach dropped into my feet. Maybe he was even one of the robbers who had been plaguing the village of Tandrev lately!

Alana stood up immediately, wobbled a little, and grabbed my arm. "I think we'd better go."

"Great idea." The two of us took a few steps backward, and unfortunately collided with some empty chairs. We didn't fall on our rear ends, as I expected we would, but it took us a little time to recover our balance.

"You're not going anywhere until you pay your tab," the Toydarian sneered, "and since I think my armored bodyguard here is correct, I'm doubling it to one thousand credits. Now what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to show you that I've got some great dance moves," I told Zetto, swaying my hips lasciviously. _Now this is what my teacher back at the Temple meant by "lewd" when I was eight! _His eyes grew even larger than they already were, but the Mandalorian wasn't impressed. He drew his heavy blaster, but at that moment, Alana used the Force to propel one of the empty pazaak-table chairs toward his head.

_THUNK! _The chair bounced right off of his well-helmeted pate, forming nary a dent in it. The Mandalorian fired two shots, making Alana duck under the pazaak table, and I drew my own blaster as well. _Drat! This is just a utility model, and using it against him would be like bringing a water blaster to a showdown! How in the Force did that stupid chair NOT hurt him?! Anyway, I can still help us, I think… _I knelt down on the floor and took Alana's hands, practically dragging her out from under there. The two shots that I fired only charred his leg plates. Before I could react, the Mandalorian's gauntleted hands had grabbed my neck.

"Let me show you what we do to Jedi," he growled, _"especially _ones who meddle in our affairs." His grip tightened, and all I could do in return was try to kick him. My right leg connected with his chest, making him grunt, and then his groin, which made him stagger backward. Nevertheless, the thug didn't drop me. He seemed invincible, and I couldn't think of anything else to try as my vision began to blur with tears.

Alana fired more shots at the Mandalorian, but just like my own weapon, her blaster was constructed for utility purposes. It didn't have enough firepower to take him down. When she realized that all her energy bolts did was char his armor, she dashed behind him and gave two swift drop kicks to his gluteus. _That _made him drop me, but to my dismay, he was still bound and determined to extract his pound of flesh. As I crawled away from him, he pursued me on his hands and knees. My neck felt as if someone had clamped an iron ring around it, but I had to fight as hard as I could to survive as the crowd hollered encouragement.


	19. CHAPTER 18: RESCUE AND REPERCUSSIONS

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: RESCUE AND REPERCUSSIONS

Just when I thought I'd be shot and killed before reaching the door of the cantina, it came flying open. The Mandalorian thug also went flying, as did Zetto, even though the latter already had a grotesque pair of leathery wings. _"What the kriff?!" _Zetto yelled, and then gasped when he saw who'd just shoved him up against the wall through the Force. "Uh, I mean, it's nice to see another Jedi here. Welcome, welcome…"

"Master Voyna!" cried Alana, rushing forward and almost hugging her. "Thank the Force you're here."

"Naturally," she said coolly, drawing Zetto toward her like steel toward a magnet. "Did you harm her?"

"N-n-no," the Toydarian stammered, "but my Mandalorian bodyguard over there tried to. Go after him."

"I'll deal with _both _of you in a minute," Master Voyna replied. "As for you, Alana, why did you skip class?"

"Hey," my fellow Padawan-in-training said with a sheepish grin. "A girl's got to have a little fun, you know."

"At the most dangerous cantina in Hedon?" She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Whatever possessed you to do such a foolish thing, and flout all the rules of your training? Not only did you do that, but you could have been raped, murdered, or both." Glaring at the crowd full of open-mouthed spectators, Master Voyna continued, "There's a good reason why my name means _war, _even though most of you may think that Jedi only keep the peace. Let this be a lesson to you all: take advantage of others, and you'll _pay." _Turning to Alana, she continued, "It's a good thing speeders keep records of where everyone who uses them travels. It's an even better thing that I sensed your Force signature when you were in grave danger. Come." Firmly grasping my friend's arm, the two began to leave Zetto's. However, I darted up to them before they did.

"_Wait! _Don't completely blame Alana for this mess. I was here with her, too, and we were both attacked."

Master Voyna grasped my right arm with her left. "Don't tell me you skipped class tonight too, Yllari."

"No." My legs were made of gel. "It was my night off, but I went with Alana." The three of us marched out to a waiting speeder, away from the bright lights and foul odors of Hedon. "I gambled, too." When Master Voyna gave me an even more pointed look, I confessed, "Five hundred credits. I couldn't pay Zetto at all."

"You'll pay _me_ back for rescuing you, and I know how," she purred with an odd smile I didn't like. "Don't worry about the Toydarian. He'll get his money back, because we have financial liaisons with the common folk for just such 'unfortunate incidents'. For now, I'm going to turn the two of you over to your Masters." I felt numb inside. After everything that had just happened, even the threat of punishment from Master Severns didn't make me afraid. It didn't make me feel anything, except a strange feeling of being one of the living dead. My eyes blinked; my mouth moved; I breathed. However, I had perished nonetheless.

"Please don't punish Per'dra too hard," Alana said. "I was the one who had the bright idea to go to Zetto's."

"Even so, she's just as guilty, and that's why you'll both face the same degree of repercussions. Alana? Since it was my class you so wisely decided to omit, then I'm expelling you from Intermediate Sparring. Instead, you will start all over with the Younglings in Basic Sparring. Don't think that you can immediately promote yourself through the ranks, either, due to their lack of experience. You'll remain in that course for as long as I see fit, and until you display the proper degree of respect and maturity toward your studies."

"Yes, Master Voyna," Alana replied, her voice barely audible. She'd shrunken down in her speeder seat.

"Per'dra? Since you like to gamble so much, how about a little wager? Five days from now, we shall spar. In that match, you must fight me to a stalemate according to the rules of actual Jedi combat, and not just our usual point system. I did not say _win, _because I know that _drawing _against me will be challenge enough. You're one of the most skilled and dedicated students in Intermediate Sparring, but you're too haughty for my taste. If you manage to battle me to the point of stalemate, then I shall not castigate you further."


	20. CHAPTER NINETEEN: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

CHAPTER NINETEEN: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

"Very well," I told Master Voyna anxiously. "However, what happens if I can't fight you to a stalemate?"

"You'll be at my disposal for however long I see fit, performing menial tasks to assist me. I usually assign utility droids to launder my clothing, scrub the floor of the Intermediate Sparring Arena, clean its changing rooms and refreshers, and so on, but if you lose the bet…" She fixed her eyes upon me. "Do you decline?"

"I'm certainly tempted to, now that I know the price of failure. However, if I refuse this wager, what then?"

"I will recommend to Master Severns that you retake all three of your Padawan trials _one year from now, _after revealing everything you just told me. None of tonight's secrets will remain hidden anymore. If you accept my challenge, however, I will tell him that you were simply attacked by thugs after meditating at the Ruins of Cogniz. After all, that's where the speeder's location records say that both you and Alana visited. We Jedi are not supposed to lie, but for now, there's no reason for Severns to know about your gambling and drinking as well." She shook her head sadly. "What ridiculous reasons for which to risk your life."

I cast a flicker of a glance at Alana, whose eyebrows were raised in curiosity: _Well? What about the bet? _

Offering my hand, I somehow found the courage to look Master Voyna in the eye. "Challenge accepted."

"So it is." Jedi Masters sometimes said this instead of _yes _or _I agree, _in order to give their statement an air of finality. I felt as if a door were being shut upon me, right in my face, but what was that door? Perhaps it was just the opportunity to back out, but deep down, I knew it was more than that. "I'm giving you an opportunity to prove yourself, Per'dra Yllari. Don't waste it." Nodding somberly, I knew that I never would.

None of us said anything else on the way home to the Jedi Temple. However, once I'd fled to my private quarters, I locked the door and poured my heart out to Kreia's silent holocron. I confessed everything: I drank; I gambled; I lost five hundred credits that I'd worked hard to earn during my training; I'd let Master Severns and Master Voyna down. Most of all, I had broken the rules of the Jedi Order and acted like any other inebriated dolts would have. What was the difference between me and them? Nothing; not anymore.

"I'm an idiot, Kreia," I sobbed, with my rear end sinking down into the bed. I felt like it would swallow me.

"_Yes, but the main question now is: why are you an idiot? Are you no better than the nightly regulars at the cantina, merely because you did what they did? It's a question of motive, and not simply foolish actions." _

"I wanted to have fun. I did until Zetto tried to bully me into paying off my losses, which I couldn't."

"_You also wanted to relax from the harrowing day you faced in Tandrev, and saving a criminal's life. That is the real reason you drank so much, not because of any sort of 'fun'. You care about justice, but you're also human. According to the tenets of the Jedi Order, you're not just as bad as the other patrons of Zetto's. You're worse, because you should have known better. However, I have my own opinion on this." _

"Which is?"

Kreia paused. Then: _"I've spoken too soon. Perhaps I have even misspoken, but time will tell. Listen: What is it you want in regards to this wager with Master Voyna? There's more at stake here than you think." _

"I want to win." Those four words fell out of my mouth without hesitation, pre-planning, or pangs of guilt.

"_Then you must practice. Sleep now, and even though you're drenched in sweat, you can always wash in the morning. You're going to face a grueling road ahead of you, fledgling Jedi, against a severe Master." _The light of her holocron faded once more, and I immediately stripped and crawled under the bedcovers.

_Severe. _That word repeated itself over and over in my nightmares, coupled with a mysterious pair of glowing eyes.


	21. CHAPTER TWENTY: MY SECOND CONFESSION

CHAPTER TWENTY: MY SECOND CONFESSION

_I could only watch, frozen in terror, as the starship named Desire returned. It was nearing the Jedi Temple, and it was with paralyzing dread that I noticed it was within firing range. The vessel was shimmering, as scarlet as the sky at sunset, although far more menacing. It would attack. There was nothing I could do… _

Opening my eyes in the gray light of near-dawn, I found them wet with tears. My pillow was damp, as were my sheets. _One more nightmare. I swear, if I ever sleep well again, I'll never even THINK of gambling or drinking! _Glancing at the chronometer on my bedside table, I groaned. _0500 hours. Up and at 'em, Per'dra. _

I roused myself from the living dead. My four limbs felt like tree trunks, and were just as immobile. Not only that, but my head pounded with the aftereffects of the copious amounts of alcohol I'd consumed last night. How was I going to explain myself to Master Severns? How much had Voyna already revealed? Those two questions jolted me into a sudden frenzy of activity, despite the aches in nearly every muscle. _I have to talk to him before she does, if she hasn't already, and explain my side of the story! _While I was soaping myself in the refresher, a hard truth occurred to me: _Wait. I don't have a side, because I'm guilty. _Still, it didn't hurt to try to approach him first, so the Miraluka was the first person I sought at breakfast. "Master Severns?" I asked him at one of the long tables in the cafeteria. "Have you seen Master Voyna?"

"Not today. Why?" Even though I couldn't see his eyes, because he had none, I sensed his curious gaze.

"There's something that I need to tell you, as soon as possible. I'd much rather talk in your office, though." Master Severns nodded and motioned for me to take my fruit plate along. He did the same with his own. Once we were behind closed doors, he raised a strawberry to his mouth with the Force and bit into it.

"What's this about?" he asked, keeping his tone concerned, yet not overly so. "Is something wrong?"

"Definitely," I replied. "After the rough day I had yesterday, Alana and I decided to have a little fun…" I told him all about drinking at Zetto's, getting attacked by a Mandalorian robber, incurring a gambling debt that I couldn't pay, and being fortuitously rescued by Master Voyna. "Did she tell you this already?" I asked him.

"No," Master Severns replied, frowning deeply. "This is a complete surprise to me, but not a good one." He folded his hands in front of him, on top of his granite desk. "Are you aware you could have been killed?"

"Very much so."

"Are you aware that losing five hundred credits to a hardened criminal is never a _true _Jedi's idea of fun?"

"Now I do, Master. However, I was trying to win -"

"Don't be flippant. Most of all, are you aware that we'll both pay a visit to Master Voyna immediately?"

I lowered my head, wishing it would tumble free of my neck and onto the floor. "Yes, Master." We rose and went to her office, where Voyna was already waiting. "Master Severns? What a surprise; I was just getting ready to come and see you. We have much to discuss regarding this particular Padawan-in-training."

"Indeed we do." Master Severns sat down across from his colleague's desk, with an identical granite top and identical neat stacks of paperwork on top of it. They discussed my story, the incident last night, and the trouble that Alana and I had gotten ourselves into. When they finished, they also discussed the new bargain that I had made. I thought that I had hope of calling it off when Master Severns looked alarmed and confused, but then he fell into deep concentration for a while. Master Voyna glared at me, which was bad, but I couldn't tell at all what Master Severns was thinking. That was worse. Finally, he spoke again:

"You need to learn about making bets, Per'dra Yllari," the Miraluka said sternly, "whether at the pazaak table or in other situations. With that said, and with my permission, your wager with Master Voyna shall stand. However, I'm introducing one change: you shall spar for two minutes, according to actual Jedi combat rules, instead of fighting for an indeterminate length of time. The victor shall be the one with the advantage after those two minutes have ended. I am certain, my _future _Padawan," he continued, "that this will teach you the lesson you need to learn. Until then, practice and meditate upon what you've done. Think not only about your actions, but also about your motives. Recreation wasn't the only reason that you and Alana went to Zetto's, despite what you claim. You could have had fun in a thousand other ways, which didn't involve skipping class or putting yourselves into mortal danger." He rose. "You're dismissed."


	22. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: ALANA VERSUS NOTH

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: ALANA VERSUS NOTH

Dejectedly, I realized that I was only slightly better off than I had been before I saw Master Severns. The sole thing I'd gained was a mercifully-brief length of time for my sparring match against Master Voyna. Could I really force a stalemate in two minutes? I highly doubted it, but I wasn't going to give up yet. I would practice until my limbs nearly fell off, and stay up until the wee hours of the morning, to push my limits in combat. _I'm giving you a chance to prove yourself, Per'dra Yllari, _Voyna had said, and I would do so. All throughout the morning, I tried to focus on my lessons, but my mind kept wandering to what I'd do for sparring practice after classes were over. Only when Master Nurk scolded me did I pay full attention.

"Hey, what's with you, Per'dra?" quipped my Zabrak friend Noth at lunch. "Did your brain take a vacation?"

"You could say that," I replied, rolling my eyes and sighing. "Apparently you haven't heard about last night."

"Last night?" When I started to tell my story once again, he gaped open-mouthed at Alana. _"What?!"_

"Per'dra and I snuck off to Zetto's; we gambled and drank; we almost got killed by thugs; blah, blah, blah." Apparently, Alana was as tired of making these confessions as I was. "Oh, and we're being punished."

"I should say so. How come I wasn't invited?" Noth was clearly teasing, from his sarcastic tone of voice, but neither of us laughed or smiled. He shook his horned head at us. "Seriously. What were you thinking?"

"We were _thinking_ that we needed a break, especially after weeks of hard courses and Per'dra's Padawan trials. I know that it was stupid to go to the most dangerous cantina in Hedon, but breaking the rules is fun. Besides, how was I to predict that we'd nearly get murdered? I thought we could handle ourselves."

"Which you did with aplomb." Noth snorted. "Breaking the rules is fun? How can you say that, Alana?"

"Because I know from experience. Trust me, our little incident at Zetto's isn't the first time I've dared to flout the 'iron-clad' regulations of our Order. You know how much I love to play pranks on some of the Masters. Remember that one time where I replaced Master Dindral's Jedi History datapad with one that contained some of my raunchy limericks?" She stifled a giggle. _"There once was a large man from Hoth…" _

I practically choked on my salad. "That stunt earned you a ten-page paper on the Mandalorian Wars!"

Now it was Alana's turn to roll her eyes. "True, but my point is that sometimes you've got to live a little. If you never test other people's limits, you never find out what theirs are as well as yours. What's the real purpose of us slaving away without any amusement to liven things up? And no, Noth," she said before he could interject, "weeding the Meditation Gardens is not fun - not for me. Drinking and gambling are. I just have to make sure that I go somewhere safer next time, or else play pazaak for credits in my quarters."

"Then you've learned the wrong lesson from what happened last night," sighed Noth. "Grow up, Alana."

"Grow up? When have you ever broken a rule, or even dared to bend it a little? You're always trying to talk me out of my wacky schemes, but it seems to me that deep down inside, you wished you would have joined in. I admit _once again _that our adventure in Hedon was reckless and almost lethal, but according to you, all of my adventures are ridiculous. If Per'dra and I always listened to you, we'd never enjoy leisure."

"I don't know." I shook my head miserably. "I did enjoy those limericks of yours, but Noth's correct, too."

"How correct?" asked Alana. "What would he suggest you do about the predicament you're in, regarding your bet with Master Voyna?" She quickly told him of it. "Well, Noth? What's your sage advice?"

"If I were you, Per'dra," he said matter-of-factly, "I would concede before your sparring match even starts. It's obvious that Master Voyna and Master Severns want to punish you for what you've done, so why not face it and get it over with? Your situation's lose-lose, because I sincerely doubt that you're going to win."


	23. CHAPTER 22: RULES, RULES EVERYWHERE

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: RULES, RULES EVERYWHERE

"She should at least _try, _Noth," Alana retorted. "Speaking of which, Per'dra, do you need help practicing?"

"Of course. Sparring against droids isn't the same as doing so against a real person, whether human or alien. If I'm going to fight Master Voyna to a stalemate, though, I need to train with someone who's a bit -"

"_Better?" _She sniffed. "Someone who's not stuck back in Basic Sparring with all of the silly Younglings?"

"Hey, I never said that!"

"You implied it, though. Just because I got demoted as a punishment for last night, that doesn't mean I'm not good. I'm simply forced to fight below my level, whereas if I help you train, that'll help us both out."

"I'm not sure that you're good enough to simulate Master Voyna," Noth said coolly. "If Per'dra's going to win, she needs to practice against someone more skilled than either of us: perhaps a Jedi Knight."

My heart gave a jump. "Great idea, Noth!" I cried, grinning at him. "In fact, I know just whom I'll ask."

"Who?" Alana raised a curious yet skeptical eyebrow. "The last time I checked, Knights and Padawans hardly hung out together. Our Order is very particular about separation of ranks, but as you may suspect, that's another edict I've broken." With a sly wink, she continued, "Come on, Per'dra. Spit it out already."

I had to laugh. "Whatever happened to the virtue of patience, _Padawan-in-training?" _Shaking my head, I sighed at Alana and Noth. "Sometimes I wonder why the three of us are friends. We're all so different."

"We're not _friends," _Alana said. "We're _associates, _according to the Jedi regulations. We're more than classmates, because we spend more time together than we do with the others in our training group, but we're not close. We don't let our personal feelings get in the way of our studies. At least we're not supposed to. Our trip to Zetto's doesn't count, because that was after hours. It was just an _associates' gathering." _A hard edge had crept into her voice that worried me. Was she blaming me for something?

Noth noticed it, too. "What's eating you today? A rancor?" He smiled, but neither of us did in return.

"Maybe a _Regulations Rancor. _I'm just sick of them. Rules, rules everywhere, and not a break to catch."

"If you don't follow the rules, you won't become a Jedi. Isn't that the reason why all of us are here?"

"Sure, but it's not like we had much choice. We were taken from our families as babies, or as soon as the Jedi found out that we were sensitive to the Force. I've read that my parents brought me here to the Temple when I was three. According to my student file, at that age I was throwing any food that I didn't like on the floor without using my hands. I would also pick up toys with the Force, and the rest is history." Alana was trying to sound matter-of fact, but she couldn't fully hide the wistful sadness in her voice. "I'm here, yes, and I want to be a Jedi, but the truth is that I think a lot of our rules are stupid." She suddenly slapped her hands over her mouth, then took them off and whispered: "Why _can't _we be real friends?"

"_Lunch hour is over in five minutes," _an intercom in the dining hall intoned. _"Bring your trays to the front, or hand them over to a serving droid." _In the noisy clatter of dishes being carried and rattled around, there wasn't much room for more talking. Still, I knew whom I had to find before he rejoined his fellow Knights:

"Sten?" I called out once I thought I'd spotted him. "Knight Sten? May I talk to you for a minute?"

Startled, he whirled around and then flashed a smile. "Padawan Yllari! How nice to see you again."

"I'm not a Padawan yet," I said, lowering my eyes, "and that's part of the reason why I'd like your help. I'm in Intermediate Sparring right now, but I feel like I've reached a plateau in my training. As per our rules, I only spar against the other students in my class. However, once in a blue moon, I get a chance to fight Master Voyna. She has challenged me to a match in five days, with the victory condition being stalemate. I only have to do battle with her for two minutes. The winner is the one with the advantage after time's up." Taking a deep breath, I felt like I'd said all of this as one word instead of a whole paragraph. "My point is, if I don't figure out how to advance to the next level of combat from where I'm at now, I'll lose for sure."

"So, you'd like for me to practice with you?" He smiled again. "I'd like to, but I would be breaking rank."

_Stupid rules! _"Please? If you'd like, it will only be for one sparring session, in which you'd give me all the pointers you can. You can even ask your Master, and then tell me either way. What do you think?"

Sten stepped a bit nearer. "I think there's something you're not telling me." His tone was mercifully mild, but both of my cheeks were raging hot. "I know Master Voyna, and she only issues challenges to students if she intends to test them for promotion."

_What? _"Trust me, that's the _last_ thing she intends." I heaved a sigh and felt my body deflate. "The truth is, I've gotten into trouble, and this challenge is a bet. If I win, no further punishment for me, but if I don't…"

Sten tilted his head slightly in order to listen more intently. "Trouble? What kind?"

"I can't tell you. You'll say no, and then I won't know whom to turn to in order to improve before the match."

"Please?" The gentleness of his voice was almost startling. I'd expected him to refuse me and walk away. Instead, here he still was, and even closer to me than he was before. It was all I could do to answer him:

"I went to Zetto's last night with my friend. We drank and gambled, and some thugs almost killed us."

Sten held up a stern forefinger and clucked his tongue once, sharply. "Meet me in the Outdoor Arena after our classes have ended for the day. 1600 hours." I gave him the salute of our Order, and he returned it.

_What just happened? Sten just said for me to meet him after class, for outdoor combat, and that means - _I almost didn't want to finish the rest of my thought. _That means he's breaking rank, and breaking a rule just like I did. Alana's right: some of our Jedi regulations ARE stupid, and - "friend". I called her "my friend." _Stunned, I brought my serving tray up to the front of the dining hall and plodded to class like a droid.

_**(AUTHOR'S NOTE: All right, here's a chance for some of my lurking readers to come out of the woodwork and post a review! I want to do a "classroom scene" before Sten and Per'dra have their first training session, so what class should I have her attend? I'm thinking Jedi History, Jedi Philosophy, or Jedi Diplomacy. Jedi Math? Um, no. I'm not good enough at Math to do that one!)**_


	24. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: JEDI PHILOSOPHY

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: JEDI PHILOSOPHY

I always thought it fitting that Master Nurk taught Jedi Philosophy. She was one of the most introspective and wise leaders of our Order, perhaps only second to Grand Master Shan. Originally, the human Master Ulee of botanist fame was going to teach this course. However, he requested a transfer when he realized that some of us students still harbored reservations about having aliens as our superiors. "Our prejudices are like heavy bricks," Nurk had informed us a few days ago. "If we stack them high enough, we'll build a wall. We may think that it protects us from 'outsiders', but it only keeps us trapped inside." After hearing that, most of us had warmed up to her, but there were still a few who believed otherwise.

One of them was sitting near me. "So, what obvious truth will you teach us today, Master Calamari?" The rest of us whirled our heads around to stare at him, even if we almost broke our necks doing it.

"If what I recently told you was so obvious, Padawan-in-training Bochal," she said tersely, "then you would treat me with more respect. For now, since you seem to know everything, _leave. _Report to your Master." We onlookers either scrunched down in our seats, trying to look inconspicuous, or stifled snickers. It was a great indignity to be expelled from class, even for a single session, and none of us wanted to be next. "Who can remember the topic that we said we'd discuss today?" I raised my hand. "Yes, Miss Yllari?"

"The Force," I answered, sitting up straight again. "More specifically, its theoretical aspects, and its origin."

"Very good." Pleased, she announced, "I'll start with a deceptively simple question: What is the Force?"

Noth raised his hand. "It is a living energy that permeates everything around us, Master Nurk, whether alive or not. Even inanimate objects such as rocks and buildings have subtle Force currents within them."

"Correct. However, why is your second point especially interesting?" Silence. "Can you elaborate?"

Noth thought for a moment and then shook his head. "I've always found this strange, but don't know why."

Hesitating because I didn't want to look like a show-off, I raised my hand again. "The root of the word _inanimate _is _anima:_ 'soul' or 'spirit'. Therefore, since things like rocks and buildings don't have an _anima, _one might think that would make them immune to the Force. However, as we've seen, they aren't. They can be manipulated by it in any number of ways. Noth is right: the Force courses through all that exists."

"If that's so," asked a female Twi'lek, "then how come some people are sensitive to it, and others aren't?"

"For starters, it's a matter of biology," another male student replied once Master Nurk signaled for him to speak. "Midichlorians are molecules through which the Force is transmitted in living things, and the more of them you have, the stronger you'll be when you use it. However, your talent has to be developed. That's why we Jedi try to locate and train Force-sensitive beings from the earliest age possible. Otherwise, they can go their whole lives with tons of midichlorians in their bloodstream and never realize their potential."

"True," said Master Nurk, nodding. "Could anyone tell us the other factors involved in Force sensitivity?"

"Well, in order to use the Force, you first have to listen to it," a willowy girl named Tam replied. "To do that, you have to be able to calm down, quiet your mind, and try to get in touch with your inner nature. So many beings nowadays, humans and aliens alike, are so busy and consumed with daily cares that even if they are especially Force-sensitive, they'll never know it unless they slow down. Secondly, in order to be sensitive to the Force, you must be open and willing to learn. Even the Sith do this, although their chief goal is different from ours. We Jedi seek to serve the Force; the Sith seek to have the Force serve them."

"Excellent. What does it mean that 'we seek to serve the Force,' then, if it's simply a sort of living energy?"

"…_It is said that the Force has a will…" _

_Kreia? Is that you?! _A jolt, as if of Force lightning, had run through my mind. She had spoken, but how?

"Are you all right, Per'dra?"

Sheepishly, I nodded. Whatever it was that had caused Kreia to communicate with my consciousness faded as suddenly as it appeared. "Yes, I'm all right, Master Nurk. Does the Force itself possess volition?"

"That's enough questions from you," hissed a girl behind me. "So shut your mouth, with your big words." I winced, knowing for sure that it wasn't Kreia who was talking now. _"Anima," _she spat as if it were a curse. Lixivia Falt wasn't exactly an enemy, for Jedi are supposed to know no hatred. Still, that was what she felt toward me, and it didn't take a high level of Force sensitivity to recognize. When Master Nurk glanced at her curiously, Lixivia flashed her a sweet smile that didn't appear fake at all. If that white-haired minx had one talent, it was looking innocent, and she played it to the hilt. "Excuse me. I was just instructing Per'dra."

"In what?" asked the perceptive Mon Calamari, suspicion creeping into her voice. She wiped her forehead.

"In that arrogance is a liability to a Padawan-in-training, not an asset. Humility is becoming to us all."

"Indeed it is," Nurk said slowly. "Thank you for the friendly reminder, but for now, would you please let me instruct?" Lixivia winced, and I couldn't help but smile inside. "Now, I'd like to move on to the next item up for discussion: How does the Force manifest itself, and why - more specifically, as in when we utilize it?"

"It all depends," Noth explained, "upon our intent. We can use the Force to heal or hurt, to mend or maim. I work a lot in the Meditation Gardens, tending the plants. When I want to pull a weed, I picture the living energy that surrounds us pushing the weed's roots up from the moist soil beneath. I view it as expelling an unwelcome predator, an invasive piece of vegetation that wants to choke out other plants. However, when I want to save a damaged tree, I imagine its bark regrowing and its inner wood and pulp regenerating."

"How original, garden grub," Lixivia whispered so softly that only I could hear it. Noth was too far away.

My blood boiled. _I know that Alana calls him Nature Boy, but she does it affectionately! You sure don't. _

"Thank you for those vivid examples, Padawan-in-training Koren," said Master Nurk. "I was going to ask you a question about the Sith next, and how they channel the Force, but we've run out of time. You are all dismissed, and Miss Falt?" Lixivia looked up. "Thank you as well for trying to help your fellow students."

_Is it just me, or is Master Nurk being sarcastic? Sometimes it's hard to tell, especially with her species. _

"You're welcome," my rival answered just as meekly as she'd said we all should be. "See you in two days." After everyone else had left the classroom, Lixivia turned her fake smile upon me. "So, I hear you're in serious trouble." Her smile broadened, showing perfectly white teeth. "Bad news travels fast. The menial and dirty chores you're going to be assigned when you lose the sparring match were going to be my own, but for now my Master believes that you need discipline and humility far more than I do." She gave me two condescending pats on my right shoulder, turned her smile into an unsettling rictus, and glared at me.

"No one beats Velikaya Voyna in a fight. _Ever." _With that, she turned and left to attend her next class.


	25. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: A SEA OF FACES

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: A SEA OF FACES

As I, too, departed from Master Nurk's classroom, I fumed: _Who in the Force does Lixivia think she is? What gives her the right to demean Noth and me like that? We're all Padawans-in-training, so none of us outrank each other. Besides, even if we did, we'd be expected to show more class than that! Just because she trains under Master Voyna, that doesn't give Lixivia any special privileges. However… _A worrisome thought occurred to me. _Maybe it does. Perhaps Master Voyna told Lixivia about our sparring match, but it's more likely that "Miss Falt" was eavesdropping when she heard about it. Anyway, what's her problem?!_

I suddenly remembered something I'd read years ago, as a Youngling, when we were studying the basic characteristics of alien species: "To outsiders, members of the Echani are nearly indistinguishable from one another. It is not courteous to mention this particular aspect of their race, especially in polite company. Do everything you can to remember their names and distinctive Force signatures." _Aha! So she wants to get noticed, but she's doing it the wrong way. Lixivia's gifted in the forms and stances of unarmed combat, but so are the other Echani students here. _Sighing, I shook my head. _Still, that doesn't make her attitude right. I guess that for her, it's easier to bully and put other people down than stand out on her own merits. _

I was angry all through my last course of the day, First-Form Algebra, and could barely pay attention. My mind kept wandering back to her sly smile, baiting stare, and oh-so-virtuous act in front of Nurk. Did she think that all of us were stupid, and couldn't see through her? Obviously so, but where did Lixivia get the gall to be such a hypocrite to our teacher? As I recalled her honeyed words laced with poison for me, my hands involuntarily clenched into fists. Now it was Lixivia that I wanted to fight, instead of her Master.

After class, it took all of my self-restraint to keep from storming down the hallways of the Jedi Academy section of the Temple. Even so, people quickly moved out of my way when they saw me coming. I was either going to find my rival and challenge her to a sparring match of our own, or return to my quarters and let a certain holocron presence know all about what happened today. When I saw that my chronometer read 1550 hours, though, I turned and dashed in the other direction. _I have an appointment with Knight Sten!_ As he'd promised, he was in the Outdoor Arena, meditating in a lotus position upon its spongy turf.

"Good afternoon, Knight Sten," I said once he sensed I was near and opened his eyes. "How are you?"

"Very well, thank you," he replied, but then looked alarmed. "What's wrong? You shouldn't practice yet."

"Why not?"

"I can feel the anger roiling off of you. Such feelings in either opponent can be very dangerous in a match."

I lowered my head, knowing he was right. "Agreed. I have a rival, who insulted me very pointedly today."

Instead of asking for juicy details, Sten kept the subject general. "I take it this isn't a friendly rivalry, then?"

"Not at all. It isn't the first time she's treated me this way, either. When she did in class today, I couldn't get her face out of my mind, smirking and looking at me like I was bantha dung she'd scrape off of her shoe."

Sten held out his hands, with the palms facing upward. "Will you meditate with me for a moment, please?" Nodding, I let him help me lower myself to the ground and fold my legs into the proper position. He did the same. "Close your eyes, and picture that same image. Imagine every detail." That wasn't very hard to do. "Now, imagine moving back from that face, still focusing upon it but thinking that you're a camera lens. Back and back you go, allowing your rival's visage to become smaller and smaller. What do you see?"

"There are other females around her in a vast sea," I told him. "All of them look exactly the same: white hair, blue eyes, and skin so pale that it's almost translucent. I can't pick out her face from among the others." This image in my mind's eye made me shudder. I yearned to open my eyes, but dared not.

"Good. This last step may be difficult for you, as it is for me, but take a deep breath anyway. Let all other details fade. What do you see through the Force? Your Master is a Miraluka. What might he envision?"

"_Red," _I replied, surprised at the odd and almost disembodied tone of my voice. "There is a scarlet light, a beacon to the Dark Side of the Force, among all of those perfectly white faces. That's her. That's my rival. Her talents are the talents of her people, the Echani, just as her appearance is. She feels such rage because she doesn't know how else to be different." I was speechless, stunned. "I didn't see it before -"

"Now you do," said Sten gently. "Allow the darkness of deep space to enfold you, and open your eyes." I obeyed, wincing at the assault of the afternoon's light. "How do you feel right now, Padawan Yllari?"

I decided not to correct him about my lack of rank. "Much better; thank you. I'm not angry anymore. I'm simply filled with a deep sorrow, because I don't know how to help her distinguish herself from her peers."

"That is a matter for your rival to resolve, not you," Sten replied firmly. "I am glad that you want to aid her, but in this case, I believe she must first look within herself." He paused. "Do you wish to practice now?"

"Indeed." A grin emerged upon my face, like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. "Let's do this!"


	26. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: BE OVERPREPARED

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: BE OVERPREPARED

Before Sten and I faced off in the Outdoor Arena for sparring practice, he posed three vital questions. "First, why did you ask me to help you train, instead of one of your other associates? I rarely break rank."

"You're not only a Knight, or even one especially talented in combat. You won against one of our own who had fallen to the Dark Side. I figure anyone who can do that can help me to try and stalemate a Master."

"Fair enough, but I fear you overestimate me. Zoële Sisk was my peer and classmate, of nearly equal skill in battle. When she refused to surrender after I disarmed her -" He cleared his throat. "Secondly, why didn't you ask your Master to spar with you if you needed extra conditioning? He's far stronger than I am."

"He wants to punish me for my night of nearly-lethal recreation at Zetto's, just as much as Master Voyna does. Master Severns would never help me to try and fight my way out of facing the consequences. 'What you see is what you get,' he always tells me, 'but especially when you gaze within yourself.' I was a fool, and when I look in the mirror, my reflection shows me just the same. Still, both Masters are giving me a chance to prove myself, and the way I'd prefer to do that is through winning. Any more interrogation?"

At first his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance, but then Sten saw that I was teasing and gave a short laugh. "One more query: How badly do you want to earn a draw against Master Voyna in this sparring match?"

"Very much so."

Sten immediately leapt into the air, performing a Force jump and landing so close to me that I froze. Igniting his staff with twin cyan blades, he said two words that were as cold and clear: _"Be overprepared." _He launched into a complicated series of maneuvers that I could barely counter. There was no time to think or remember if I'd learned such techniques before. There were only nanoseconds to act and react, attack and counterattack, advance and defend. When the Knight had overwhelmed me, he said sharply:

"That was fifteen seconds, and you've already lost." His eyes flashed with the icy fire of his training staff. "Again, and faster." This time I was only slightly more ready than I had been for his Force acrobatics, but ready enough. I wasn't startled this time, but was hypervigilant instead. Tautness made my large muscles stretch nearly to their breaking point, and adrenaline flooded my veins. My feet seemed to have minds of their own, singularly focused upon blocking Sten's minuscule steps into my territory. Both of us knew that in a sparring match for points or higher stakes, these were advantages, no matter how small they looked to the untrained eye. Once more I fought; once more I was defeated. "Eighteen seconds. Better. Again."

By this time a small crowd had begun to gather around the rim of the Outdoor Arena, but I barely noticed. Had this been a friendly practice exercise, I would have taken more time to recognize their faces and smile. However, the words _life _and _death _cracked like lightning bolts in my mind's eye with each maneuver. Sten didn't just mean business here. He was treating this battle as if it were as real as the one against Zoële, even though we were only using training sabers. As much as this frightened me, it also filled me with a wild thrill that I'd almost never felt. The giddy rebellion that I'd felt in gambling at Zetto's paled in comparison. That had been child's play; this was war. Simulated, of course, but war nonetheless. When the outcome of it hung by a hair's breadth, Sten announced my time: "Seventeen seconds. _Again!" _

We threw ourselves at one another time after time, using every assault and defense of which we both could think. Not once did I beat Sten. My triumph lay in working up to twenty seconds of pure strength. One year ago, I wouldn't have believed myself capable of such a feat. What had changed within me? What had caused me to ignore everything else, including the people around us, in the pursuit of victory?

"Rest now," said my opponent as gently as he'd been fierce before. A cool breeze, like one after a heavy storm, swept over me. "We'll meet tomorrow: same time, same place." He bowed to me at the waist, but I fell helplessly to my knees. Drenched in sweat, I scarcely made it back to my quarters before collapsing on my bed. I slept for fourteen hours straight, missing dinner and the next day's breakfast entirely. It was only on the morrow that I realized I hadn't been plagued by nightmares or the starship named _Desire. _


	27. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: WHO'S RIGHT?

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: WHO'S RIGHT?

I continued this grueling practice regimen with Sten for three more days. Each time, a larger crowd gathered around the rim of the Outdoor Arena, and the intensity of our sessions grew. By the day before my match against Master Voyna, I had finally worked my way up to two minutes of formidable power against him. We fought each other to stalemate after stalemate, and both of us were proud. "You were not a weakling when we started, Per'dra Yllari," Sten told me, "but how you've grown in so short a time frame! It's almost amazing how much you've learned, and I don't mean that lightly. If all of your classmates in Intermediate Sparring would show the same dedication and relentless drive as you have, they'd be promoted to the Advanced level in no time flat." I smiled, blushing, and bowed to him. He did the same, but without the scarlet glow in his cheeks. "Versus Master Voyna tomorrow, may the Force be with you."

The gravity his voice contained made me take a deep breath and consider its full weight. "Thank you." As Padawans-in-training, we were never supposed to use that phrase flippantly, but sometimes we did. _May the Force be with you as you eat breakfast. May the Force be with you as you try to pass a Jedi History exam. May the Force be with you so that Master Ulee doesn't spot you dozing off in his class again! _It was rude and disrespectful, but Sten wasn't being either when he spoke about the Force now. He knew what I was up against, and whom. He also knew how hard I'd been trying, simply to reach this point in my combat training. "I'm sorry you won't be able to watch the match, but only Master Nurk will. She's offered to referee, and both Master Voyna and I have accepted." I rolled my eyes a bit. "She notices _everything." _

"Especially what constitutes a sparring win, loss, or draw." Sten winked. "Farewell." He left the Arena.

So did the people who had been standing around watching us, except for three. One strode forward:

"_May the Force be with you? _Are you kidding me?" sneered Lixivia Falt. "Why are both of you treating this like some noble battle you're about to fight? The only reason you're doing it is to avoid getting punished by my Master. You think that just because you're sorry about your stupid little spree, and because you've practiced like a krayt dragon on steroids, you should be able to get the stalemate you want. You won't. When she utterly tears you apart, _then_ you'll be sorry." I could have sworn that Lixivia was about to spit at my feet, but all of a sudden she went flying backward into the arena. Staggering, she cried, "What gives?!"

Alana advanced upon her. "No, that's what you'll be, because I'm challenging you to a match. _Now." _She had given my big rival an even bigger Force push. "If I lose, I'll shut up. If I win, _you'll _shut up for good."

"Deal. It's not like I won't be able to beat a pushover who's been demoted to training with Younglings."

"Wait, wait!" cried Noth, the third one of the trio who'd been watching Sten and me most intently. "Girls, please," he stammered, rushing into the arena himself. "If you're going to do this, then do it fairly." I knew he didn't only mean 'spar by the official rules'. Whenever we fought, we did so without anger or malice. That was the way of the Jedi. However, it didn't take a Jedi to see there was plenty of anger and malice flowing between the two potential combatants. "I want us all to calm down and take a little break, okay?"

"Excellent idea." Those of us still in the vicinity of the Arena stopped dead cold. "What's going on here?"

"Master Voyna," replied Lixivia, smiling as sweetly as ever, "Alana Triss and I were just about to spar."

"Were you?" My best friend nodded, with her whole body quivering. "In both of your conditions? Never."

"What conditions?" asked Alana meekly. I was a hair's breadth away from smacking my forehead.

"Even someone who's not sensitive to the Force can see that you're about to rip each other to shreds. Miss Triss, what is the first rule of preparing to fight? What should be your mental and emotional state?"

"_If you feel anger, malice, hate, before you spar, it's best to wait." _Alana bowed her head, ashamed.

"Miss Falt, what is the second rule?"

"_If you have done someone wrong, apologize and then move on. _However, the thing is, they started it."

"Who started what?"

"Per'dra and Alana began this whole mess, and got themselves into it. Once again, I was simply trying to inform them that they've both been wrong this entire time, what with sneaking out to Zetto's Cantina -" Lixivia slapped her hands over her mouth, instantly knowing she'd given herself away. "I'm sorry, Master. I admit that I'd been eavesdropping on you the day after that incident, but I couldn't help but overhear."

"Really? It seems to me that you must have taken great pains to accomplish this. I hardly ever raise my voice." She glared at her Padawan-in-training. "Report to my office immediately, Lixivia. As for the rest of you," she continued, "please disperse and return to your quarters. Miss Yllari? I'll see you at 0900 hours."

"Of course." I offered her the Jedi salute. If I failed tomorrow, I'd do so again, albeit kneeling in defeat…

Alana was still shaking. "That was close." Her eyes were wide with fear. "What would've happened if -?"

"Injuries for sure, and not just a few minor bruises." Noth nodded somberly, agreeing. "I'm glad Master Voyna came along when she did, or otherwise things might have gotten ugly. How ugly? Who knows?"

"That's why we meditate before fighting," Noth mentioned, "or at least ought to. We're Jedi, not thugs."

"What I don't understand," said Alana, "is how awful Lixivia acts if she's supposed to be a Padawan-in-training. Why does she feel the need to put everyone down, no matter who they are? I know she's skilled, especially at unarmed combat, but that doesn't mean she has the right to go around being so arrogant."

Something occurred to me: _"Right _is the wrong word," I said slowly, trying to explain myself. "Sure, we all have the _freedom_ to act that way, but I don't think that freedom is one we should exercise too often. I try to be on guard against the same kind of attitude myself. After all, we know things about the world and the Force that others don't. If we behave like we're so much better than they are, or even each other, then what good is it? We have a duty to help our fellow beings, not hurt them." I sighed. "As for Lixivia? I think a big part of her problem is that she looks the same as all the other Echani students here. Even her talent at unarmed forms and stances is a racial one. She's trying to be different, but succeeding in a negative way."

"I'll say," Alana snorted. "Let's go get cleaned up, because it's an hour until dinner." She, Noth and I returned to our quarters, where I took a shower in the refresher and a nap beforehand. Luckily, I woke up in time, unlike the first day I'd practiced with Sten! The hearty pasta and bantha steak filled me with warmth and more sustenance than I'd had in a while. I felt as if the Force, at least for now, were with me.

After our evening meal, however, when Alana wanted to take a walk with me on the Temple Promenade, I began to doubt this. My closest _associate _posed some unsettling questions I couldn't answer. For one: "If we're sorry about the whole thing at Zetto's, which we are, then why don't our Masters forgive us instead of wanting to get us in more trouble?" She shook her head. "Isn't what we've been through enough of a penalty? Also…" Her voice became anxious. "Even after all that hard practice, are you afraid you'll lose?"

"Yes."

"Maybe if you apologize in advance, and obey the second rule of sparring, you won't have to fight at all."

_Of course! Why didn't I think of that before? Wait a minute, though…_ "I don't think I'll get off that easy."

"If our Jedi Masters practice what they preach, which they certainly ought to, then why not?"

"This challenge has become something more than what Lixivia said it was." My throat tightened, because I knew that once again, words might fail me. "At first I did think of it as a way to get out of performing drudgery and being punished. However, once I started training with Sten, I realized something. This match isn't only against Master Voyna, or even myself, but against - truth? Honor? Humility? All of the above?" I shut my eyes and opened them again. I didn't intend to meditate, just to clear my head, but everything was still unclear. "Now what? I want to do the honorable thing, but I don't know what that is in this case."

Alana grinned. "Fight and win - that is, bring Master Voyna to a stalemate."

That was the answer a large part of me wanted to hear, but other parts didn't. "We Jedi have a saying: _To the right shall go the victory. _However, in this situation, I don't think anyone is entirely right or wrong."

She stepped a bit closer. "You know what? You're right." The two of us burst out laughing, happy at last.


	28. CHAPTER 27: REFLECTION AND REFRACTION

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: REFLECTION AND REFRACTION

Since I knew I wouldn't have much time in the morning for my match preparations, I decided to spend the rest of the evening in practice and meditation. I also wanted to speak with Kreia, because I sensed she had some final advice for me. When her holocron glowed before I even said a word, I knew this was true.

"_Greetings, Padawan," _she told me, forgetting my actual title of 'Padawan-in-training'. _"Your thoughts?" _

"I've almost steeled myself for the fight against Master Voyna, but I said 'almost' for good reason."

"_Yes, but not only for the reason of which you're thinking. Close your eyes." _I obeyed, feeling my taut muscles relax. It was as if I'd been holding my breath for the past four days, and only now dared to exhale. _"You seek to be powerful, especially against your opponent. I respect this desire more than you know. You also wish to be viewed as such by others, and admired. That is why you must win tomorrow. Who would deem you powerful if they watched you laundering uniforms and scrubbing floors, brought low by defeat?" _

"Correct." My voice came out low and guttural, making me nearly growl the word. If this was Kreia's way of getting me fired up for the sparring battle, it was working marvelously. "As it stands right now, I'm just some fool who's not even a Padawan yet, gambling five hundred credits away and almost getting slain by thugs. If I duel Master Voyna to a stalemate, though, I'll be someone who's not only worked hard to prove herself, but proven herself victorious. People were watching me as I trained with Sten, and I don't…" Letting out a huge _whoof_ of a breath, I continued, "They didn't look at me like I was an idiot who broke our Jedi rules. They wanted to see how well I would do, and I don't want to let them down as well as myself."

"_Then, don't. That's what I'm here to help you not to do, and so I'd like you to meditate with me. Relax." _My anger dissipated like evaporating acid, and the blackness of space enfolded me. _"Picture Master Voyna." _I did, and immediately recoiled. _"What do you see? I suspect that you're not envisioning her physical form." _

"She's like the sun - hot, blinding, and powerful. I can't stare directly at her for too long, even meditating." Then I had an idea: "Maybe my task in the sparring match is to reflect her power back toward her, like a mirror, and fight her that way. If I meet her every attack with just as strong of a defense, and vice-versa, then we'll be locked into a stalemate. I don't have to overcome her, Kreia. All I must do is earn a draw."

"_Pah! Don't be naïve. Voyna is a Jedi Master, and for you, a draw against her is a victory - a major one." _Pausing for a moment, Kreia continued, _"What if you moved in front of her, impeding her brilliance?" _

Sinking ever deeper into meditation, I pictured doing so, but then something strange happened. Without consciously imagining this, my body, as dark as the moon during a solar eclipse, began to lose its opacity. At first it was completely black, but then it became translucent, then transparent. Before long, it was a perfect prism, and the light of Master Voyna's solar essence was refracted into a magnificent spectrum. Never had the colors of the rainbow been so vivid, even indigo, which I'd always found difficult to see. "Kreia," I said, breathing heavily, "I didn't block her light. I've refracted it instead, making Master Voyna's aura even more beautiful. Why? That's not what you're supposed to do in regards to an opponent, but…"

"_Wait." _Kreia's tone was sharp. _"By turning her sun-like majesty into something that even an infant can look at and not come to harm, you have made Master Voyna human, and thus vincible. Congratulations." _A trickle of cold sweat ran down my armpit and soaked into my bra strap. _"No one can defeat the sun, but a rainbow is such a fragile phantom that can disappear in seconds. During the match tomorrow, forget how strong she is. Forget her title, and all of the prestige that comes with it. Refract her power in your mind, and that way you'll be able to resist and counter it. Have you understood me so far?" _I nodded.

Suddenly, a blaster bolt of doubt pierced my brain: "What if we start sparring, and Master Voyna turns into this big, _kriffing_ blur of speed and attacks, and there's nothing I can do except fall on my rear, and -"

"_Were those actual sentences, or a single word?" _Kreia laughed, and I grinned sheepishly. _"If she does, then she's not being fair. She should know you haven't reached that level of skill, and spar accordingly." _

I had one more question, but it wasn't at all easy to ask: "Is it true that no one ever beats her in a fight?"

Silence.

"Kreia?"

More dirty, rotten silence.

I thought I'd laugh it off. "Ha, ha! Of course it's not true. Lixivia Falt was just being stupid as always."

Still, in my dreams that night, why did Master Voyna's sunlight even overshadow the scarlet starship?

_(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, no more dilly-dallying. My next chapter WILL be the sparring match. Place your bets: will Per'dra be able to duel her Jedi Master opponent to a stalemate? Will she fall on her rear? R&R!)_


	29. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT: THE FINAL BATTLE

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT: THE FINAL BATTLE

_0700 HOURS _

"Are you ready for this, Per'dra?" asked Alana in the dining hall at breakfast. "I'd hate to see you - well, you know…" She took a tentative bite of her cereal, and its crunching spoke the volumes that more words couldn't. Still, she said more: "I mean, I'm already being punished because it's what I deserve, but Master Voyna seems to have it in for you. If she wants to humiliate you so badly, why not send you back to Basic Sparring class with me? I guess she thinks I'd be a bad influence on you, no matter if we'd both be embarrassed to return to training with Younglings." Alana's spoon _thunked _into her ceramic bowl. "I wish I could watch. I know that during a sparring match, everything's a blur, but at least I'd be there for you."

"I know." I wanted to hug Alana, but a certain reticence held me back. _Jedi don't hug. They shake hands. _So, I held out my palm, and we did. "I know that you'll be with me in spirit, and that's what counts."

"I didn't think I'd say this," interjected Noth mildly, "but you know what? You've been through enough, and deserve the stalemate against Master Voyna. I wasn't the only one who watched you train with Knight Sten. All of us spectators agreed that you were both enduring quite a trial by fire. Honestly, I couldn't have progressed as you did; my talents lie in gardening, not sparring. You've proven yourself. End of story."

An involuntary grin perked my cheeks up. "Thanks, Noth, but I don't think this story's over yet."

_0830 HOURS_

At last I was prepared for the match, both physically and mentally. Instead of my heavier regular tunic, I wore a white uniform designed for sparring. It covered the area from my torso down to my thighs modestly enough, but otherwise allowed for nearly-perfect freedom of movement. If I were going to be hindered in battle, it wouldn't be because of my clothing. I'd also had one of the cosmetic droids in the Temple's salon cut my hair yesterday night. I looked rather like a boy, but the style suited me. If I had my way, my sweaty clothes as well as my hair would stick to my body so tightly that neither of these things would impede me.

"Excuse me, _sir." _An all-too-familiar voice startled me as I strode down the hallway toward the specific Training Room that Master Voyna had specified. "I don't believe we've met. My name is Lixivia Falt, and I'm a Padawan-in-training." Her expression was a cross between a smile and a sneer. "How about you?" She paused, allowing time for her insult to sink in. "In fifteen minutes, I can't wait to witness your defeat."

"No." Not only did I mean _no, you won't be allowed to watch, _but _no, I won't lose. _I continued walking.

Lixivia tried to grab my arm, but then thought better of it and yanked it back. "Oh, you haughty little - !"

_Haughty? _

I almost stopped cold in my tracks on the polished tile floor. This was the second time that accusation had been leveled against me, and I was ashamed to remember who'd said it first. _Like Master, like student. _Suddenly the hallway seemed a million miles longer than it was. My steps, once so quick and urgent, dragged. Then, just as suddenly, I turned the nearest corner and bolted to a nearby decorative fountain. Sitting on its stone rim, I took several deep breaths and looked at my chronometer. _0845 hours. _I had fifteen minutes to calm down, forget Lixivia and her cruelty, and think of the ultimate "backup move". What was I going to do if Master Voyna forced my back to the wall, literally as well as metaphorically? Sure, I'd had several ideas before now, but now I was certain that all of them would be too weak to work.

First, however, I had to get rid of the taunts in my head. Whispering as softly as I dared, I said, "I'm still nervous. I'm doubtful. I'm not sure that I'll be able to force a stalemate. Yet, haughty or not, I'll fight fairly."

A calming presence filled my mind, startling in its clarity. Another familiar voice said: "_You've already won."_

Flooded with relief, I silently thanked Kreia - however was she able to speak to me without her holocron? - and considered my options for saving myself from defeat. If push came to shove, what should I attempt? The next person I remembered was Sten, and as I recalled his advice, everything clicked into place:

"There is a tactic," he'd informed me, "that it would be fair to try against Master Voyna if you're in a bind. It is not a maneuver that Padawans-in-training typically learn, but then again, you will be sparring against the finest duelist that our Order has at present. She knows this move, and so should you." We practiced and practiced it - in fact, that was almost the only thing we did during our last day of training. I would have thought the crowd around the Outdoor Arena would have gotten bored and left, but they didn't. The more refined I grew at such a potent technique, the more riveted they - and I - became. It was nearly addicting.

"The only way for Master Voyna to counter it," Sten explained, "is with a decisive advantage, and nothing less." This meant that she would have to vanquish me outright, and not just deflect the tactic, in order to win. It was a kill move, not just an attack, and it made me more than a little scared to think of using it.

_Still, does that mean I won't if I have to? _I knew the answer to that unsettling question perfectly well.

_0900 HOURS _

"Good morning, Miss Yllari," said Master Nurk, who was the first person I saw in the Training Room. She was near the entrance. I felt glad to see such a kind, if stoic, face before I saw Master Voyna's. "Come." We went inside, and the Mon Calamari took her place at the referee's station. Outside the boundaries of the sparring mat, she was not outside the boundaries of its rules, and was here to enforce them. It was she who would see that both Voyna and I fought as Jedi did, not as Zetto's hardened compatriots did.

Master Voyna emerged from a changing room, dressed as I was, and nodded to me in acknowledgement. "Good morning." We both assumed positions across from one another on the mat, within bounds, and looked towards Master Nurk. "Would you please announce the rules for this match?" Voyna asked firmly.

Nurk cleared her throat. "First, it is a timed one. You shall have two minutes to try and claim victory. With that said, for Miss Yllari, her victory condition is this: If she can force Master Voyna to a stalemate, or draw, then she shall be declared the winner. Second, all usual rules of sparring shall be observed. The only Force tactics you may use are the ones directly related to lightsaber combat. No throwing each other against the wall! Your weapons shall be of our training variety, whichever ones you select. Miss Yllari?"

"I choose the silver saberstaff," I told her, "because that's the weapon with which I usually spar in class."

"I will take two yellow blades," said Master Voyna, "for the same reason. Our weapons are still equal."

_Mine is silver, and hers are gold._ Did she choose that color of blade on purpose? I tensed. Maybe I was reading way too much into this. What did it matter? If I reached deep inside me, I would stalemate her.

Master Nurk gave us our sabers, which emitted light but no heat, and returned to her station. "The match shall begin in five seconds. Four. Three. Two. One."

_0:00_

I ducked and rolled out of the way of Master Voyna's first attack, an acrobatic jump and hard landing. Like a bolt from a blaster, she wasted no time in trying to connect with her intended target. My heart raced.

_0:15 _

_It's a good thing that I remember how to play "Stay in Bounds!" _That was one of the first combat games I'd learned as a Youngling, and with good reason. One of the legitimate tactics of sparring was to try and force your opponent either off the mat or out of bounds. If you succeeded, the fight was over, and you won. Step by step, through a series of advances and retreats, I managed to hold my own mat territory.

_0:30_

Attacks, parries and ripostes: the heart of combat. _This is hard, this is hard, this is hard, this is hard…_

_1:30_

Master Voyna and I had fallen into a steady rhythm at last, or at least that of a solid draw. That doesn't mean, however, that it was effortless or feigned. It took all of my strength to defend myself against her continuous series of maneuvers, and if I could only keep it up for thirty more seconds, only thirty more!

_1:56_

_Oh, kriff. No, no, no. She's going to make me go out of bounds! _Desperate to stay within the correct area of the mat, I began to panic, but then a wave of serenity slowed my thoughts. Propelling myself high into the air with every bit of power I could still muster, I held my saberstaff out at what would have been a lethal position, had it been real. Time slowed to a crawl. All of the emotions I'd been feeling for the past few days surged like a storm within me: tension, anger, fear, frustration, pride. _Desire. _That, above all, fueled my flying body. I knew as I descended that this was the move that would either force a stalemate, or not at all.

_1:57_

_AT LAST - _

_1:58_

I landed. Two golden lightsaber blades positioned themselves on each side of my neck in scissor form.

_1:59_

The only two words I could cry out, with my body turned to liquid and my soul as well, were:

"I surrender!"

_2:00_

Master Nurk's words echoed throughout the training room: "Decisive advantage: Voyna. A fair match."

After spotting my deactivated saberstaff on the edge of the in-bounds area, I knelt. "Your victory." This was what we Padawans-in-training said after sparring with each other, but rarely. We only did so if we'd been totally surprised, even more totally outmatched, or filled with the deepest respect for our opponent.

I was all three.

The only thing that broke the weighty silence between Voyna and myself was a slow clapping sound…

Lixivia Falt walked in, not even wincing at the fresh stench of body odor. "Congratulations, _loser," _she said slowly, using an Echani term that implied that this condition was permanent on my part. "I eavesdropped, again, and now I'm coming to tell you that I knew this would happen. I bet the next thing you'll be doing is soaping up this training mat until it's white with suds. Based on your smelly uniform and sweaty hair that's plastered to your head, you don't look too fine for the work." She herself, however, was dry and perfect.

"Lixivia!" smiled Master Voyna, just as wet and odiferous as I was. "How nice to see you! Your turn."

"What?"

"Miss Yllari put up a magnificent fight, but I'm still in the mood for another match. It's your turn."

I didn't think that an Echani could be any more pale than Lixivia turned at that moment, but I was wrong.

"_I decline!" _Without one word more, she initiated a burst of energy through the Force and raced out of the Training Room. It was my rival, and not my opponent, who became a white blur of retreating speed.

Master Voyna, against all my calculations or imaginings, helped me rise to my feet as I quivered. "After you shower and rest," she said softly, "please report to me at 1100 hours. If we work together, we can have this arena scrubbed completely by lunchtime. It'll be dry by 1300 for the next class." All I could do was nod. "Combat and Force mastery are nothing without the willingness to serve, and one more thing: Master Severns told me that despite whatever else he had in mind for you, you are now his Padawan."

It was all over.

I had passed my third and final trial.

I'd lost, and yet I'd won.

_END OF BOOK ONE _

_FINIS 6-24-13_


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